The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 5 Jul 1998 20:59:39 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/
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Hiya People...
If you say something bad about every nationality is it still
politically incorrect...???...sent in by Alan...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay
2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the
first time
3. You get to eat disgusting food like snails and frog's legs
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night
films on Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's
countries
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street
humiliating your sense of national pride
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the
street
10.People think you're a great lover even though you're not
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN
1. You can have a woman president without electing her
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it
3. You can call Budweiser beer
4. You can be a crook and still hold elected office
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun
7. You can invent a new public holiday every year
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and
nobody seems to care
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
10.You can think you're the greatest nation on earth
11.When you're not
12.At all
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1. Two World Wars and one World Cup doo-dah doo-dah
2. Warm beer
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5. Union jack underpants
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world
power
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not
9. Ditto changing underwear
10.Beats being Welsh
11.Or Scottish
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur
3. No need to worry about tax returns
4. Glorious military history... well, till about 400 A.D.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside
6. Political stability
7. Flexible working hours
8. Live near the Pope
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair
10.Country run by Sicilian murderers
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real
thing
6. Honesty
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid,
tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles
9. Gibraltar
10.Supported Argentina in Falklands War
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. In-built sense of pacifism
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN
1. Chicken Madras
2. Lamb Passanda
3. Onion Bhaji
4. Bombay Potatoe
5. Chicken Tikka Masala
6. Rogan Josh
7. Popadoms
8. Chisken Dopiaza
9. Meat Boona
10.Kingfisher lager
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH
1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?!?!?!?
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH
1. Guinness
2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road
4. Pubs never close
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second
Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you
can't have sex with a condom on
6. No one can ever remember the night before
7. Kill people you don't agree with
8. Stew
9. More Guinness
10.Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the
morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN
1. It beats being an American
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a
canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her
popularity ratings will rise
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge fuckoff shotguns and cover your
house in their skins
9. Own-an-eskimo scheme
10.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN
1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no
civilized nation on earth wanted
2. Fosters Lager
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for
40,000 years because you think it belongs to you
4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket, even
though you don't understand the rules either
5. Tact and sensitivity
6. Bondai Beach
7. Other beaches
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach
10.Having a bit of a swim and then drinking some cold lager on
the beach
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