The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 1 Aug 1996 09:03:13 +0100
Hiya Loonies... Here are a few peculiar possibilities for you... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************ ******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>******************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** *** ******************Internet Goddess******************* *********************ANDROMEDA*********************** ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Here we go, Campers. It seems that gene-splicing has become a reality. Now all those old jokes about crossing a parrot with a centipede are within the realm of possibility. Here are a few examples: Cross an Indian monkey with a vine of the legume family and a plant with yellow cup-shaped flowers will give you - Rhesus Peanut Buttercup. Cross a sasquatch and a baboon. It's a Sassoon that lurks in the suburbs at night, catches unwary women and styles their hair. Cross an armadillo with a hammerhead shark and keep your fridge smelling fresh. It's an Arm & Hammerhead shark. Cross a male grouse with a female dog and you get a bird dog that's always complaining, a Grouse-and-Bitch. Cross a parrot with an alligator and when the Parrigator asks you for a cracker, you'd be well advised to give it one. Cross a sheep dog and a baby of the carp family will get you a Shag- carpette. Splice the genes of 63,360 inchworms and you get a Mile-worm. An Impossabull is what you get when you make a three-way cross between an impala, a possum and a bull. It's a 2000 lb. antelope that hangs from trees and drops down on unsuspecting matadors. Here's an interesting five-way cross. An Alaskan King Crab, a kingfisher, a jackrabbit, a jackass and a jackal gives you a Full House. Cross a rabbit with an amoeba gives you an Amoebit. It can multiply and divide at the same time. Cross a grasshopper and a hippopotamus, and you get a Grasshoppapotamus. It's a short-lived creature that can leap to tremendous heights. . . once. A coyote and an ass. This results in a Doncoyote. An ass that brays at windmills and tilts at the moon. Cross a lion and an ocelot and you get a political animal. It's a Lialot, close relative of the Cheetalot. Cross a racehorse with a hog and you get a Thoroughpig. Cross a sheep with a porcupine and you get a Sheepupine. It not only supplies you with wool but will also knit you a sweater. Here's one from the sixties. It travels in packs, searching for grass and other kinds of dope. Cross a male sheep, a baby sheep, an Australian wild dog and a donkey. It's Aram-alam-ading-donk. A combination of a lamprey eel and a baboon created at a famous American college gives you the Harvard Lampoon. Two very dull fish, a grouper and a porgy produces some very interesting results. A Grouporgy. A coward and a hyena gives you the laughing stock of the party, the Cowena. Cross a snake with a canary and you get a bird that sings with a lisp. A Snary. Cross an elephant with a former American president and you get a creature with a very beautiful voice that can break glass. It also falls down a lot. It's an Elephantsgerald. Cross a lamb with a camel to produce sweaters with bumps especially for the ladies, a Lamel. Heres one from the flora domain. Cross the aloe and baby's breath to get the ingredients for the French aphrodisiac, the Aloebaby. Cross a donkey with a Doberman and you get the Asspinscher, the dog who thinks he's a goose. Incidentally, the cross between a parrot and a centipede mentioned earlier will get you a Walkie-talkie.