The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 1 Aug 1996 09:02:56 +0100
Hiya All...
Here are some definitions you may find useful...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Subject: DEFINITIONS
Impassable............A wet football.
Astronomer............A night watchman.
World.................A jigsaw puzzle with a peace missing.
Depth.................Height turned upside down.
Ginger Ale............A drink that feels like your foot when it goes to
sleep
An Archaeologist......A man whose career lies in ruins.
Bacteria..............The rear entrance to a cafeteria.
Raisin................A worried grape.
Skeleton..............A guy inside out with his outside off.
Research..............When you look for something twice.
Expert................X is a mathematical term meaning unknown, and a
spurt is a drip under pressure-----so an expert is
an unknown drip under pressure.
Psychiatrist..........A man who doesn't have to worry as long as other
people do.
Atomic Bomb...........The thing that makes molehills out of mountains.
Cheerios..............Hula-hoops for ants.
Coincide..............What most people do when it rains.
Synonym...............A word you use when you can't spell the other one.
Professor.............A textbook wired for sound.
Volcano...............A mountain that blew its stack.
Television............A machine that offers people who don't have
anything to do a chance to watch people who can't
do anything.
Wholesome.............The only thing from which you can take the whole
and still have some left.
A Caterpillar.........An upholstered worm.
Mountain Climber......A man who always wants to take just one more peak.
Politics..............A parrot that has swallowed a watch.
Undercover Agent......A spy in bed.
Etiquette.............Saying "No, thank you," when you want to yell,
"Gimme."
Circle................A round line with no kinks in it, joined up so as
not to show where it began.
Icicle................An eavesdropper.
Sick Reptile..........An illigator.
Alarm Clock...........Something to scare the daylight into you.
Tricycle..............A tot rod.
Tomorrow..............One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.
Hatchet...............What a hen does to an egg.
Cactus................An overgrown pin cushion.
Mosquito..............A flying hypodermic needle.
Conference............A meeting of the bored.
Suit of Armor.........A knightgown.
Pipe cleaner..........A toothpick with long underwear.
Advertising...........The art of making you think you've longed all your
life for something you never heard of before.
Actor.................Someone who tries to be everything but himself.
Criminal..............One who gets caught.
Cabbage...............The age of a taxi.
Pyramid...............An organized pile of rocks.
Cannibal..............A person who is fed up with people.