The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Fri, 26 Mar 1999 02:41:26 +0000
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya Folks...
What do you suppose life would be like if 'agony aunts' were men...???
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
If "Agony Aunts" Were Men...
Q: My fiance still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he
will not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase
with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women,
your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is
to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and don't
mention this aspect of his behaviour.
----------------------------
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged.
The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men.
Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful
affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look
back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable
home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him
a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
----------------------------
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my
sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you,
so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an
issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some
cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with
your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal
and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
----------------------------
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a
spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a
great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to
you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is
extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do
is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
meal.
----------------------------
Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after making love - we have no time
to talk.
A: Sex is an extremely difficult task for a man. Afterwards he needs
rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work his lovemaking
is, and the more rest he needs. Stop putting pressure on him. Best thing
to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, cook him a nice meal and
don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
----------------------------
Q: My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last 30 seconds.
A: Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on by you that he
cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter the 'effort' the more he
loves you. Return this love by buying a nice, expensive present, cooking
him a nice meal and not mentioning his behaviour.
----------------------------
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not
love your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in
the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by
buying a nice expensive present, cooking a nice meal and not mentioning
this behaviour.
----------------------------
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating
feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to
him and show your love to him by buying a nice expensive present...and
don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.
----------------------------
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