The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 18 Sep 1997 12:49:57 -0400 (EDT)
Hiya All...
Here's a selection of music jokes for you...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
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**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
What is the difference between...
.. A french horn and a lawnmower?
You can tune a lawnmower.
.. A clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.
.. A saxophone and a chainsaw?
The grip.
.. An accordion and a trampoline?
You are supposed to take off your shoes before jumping on the
trampoline.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They have a machine that does that now.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians?
A: A sax player.
Q: What do tenor players use for birth control?
A: Their personality.
Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?
A: "Well, I didn't wake up this morning..."
Q: What's the difference between a moose and a blues band?
A: The moose has the horns up front and the asshole at the back.
Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door ?
A: The knocking always speeds up.
Q: Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room ?
A: They never know when to come in.
What's the difference between a viola and a violin?
A violin burns faster.
Why is a violist like a terrorist?
They both fuck up bowings.
What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathisers.
The composition of a string quartet:
1 good violinist
1 bad violinist
1 really bad violinist who became a violist
1 cellist who hates all violinists.
What's the difference between a violist and a dressmaker?
A dressmaker tucks up frills.
=================================================================
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars,
and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police
comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came
to your house, raped your wife, killed your children, and burned the
place down." The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came
to my house?"
==================================================================
A violist is sitting in the front row, crying hysterically. The
conductor askes the violist, "What's wrong?" The violist answers,
"The second oboe loosened one of my tuning pegs." The conductor
replied, "I admit, that seems a little childish, but nothing to get
so upset about. Why are you crying?" To which the violist replied,
"He won't tell me which one!!"
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