$$$Lose Money Fast$$$

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Tue, 16 Sep 1997 09:54:51 -0400 (EDT)


Hiya People...

Everyone who has spent any time on the internet has received those 'Make
Money Fast' posts. Here's a new twist on an old theme.

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

Please do not reply to the loonies@coollist.com address. 
This may delay a response. Please use the addresses below.

***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>***
***                                                 ***
***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***           loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk          ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
***                                                 ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

LOSE.MONEY.FAST

Hi there!

Do you, like many other computer users around the world, have large,
combustible wads of money in your pockets?  Do you find writing all
those pesky zeroes down in your bank book tedious?  Would you like to
lose $1,000?  $25,000?  even $50,000? Think it's impossible?

Well, it's not!  Anybody can lose AS MUCH MONEY AS HE OR SHE LIKES,
and faster than anyone could imagine!

Five years ago, I was rich.  I had money in high-yield investment
securities, stocks, and municipal bonds.  Two cars sat in my garage,
and I was in the highest income tax bracket possible.  Then, one day,
I discovered the secret of how to LOSE MONEY FAST, and it changed my
life.  Now, I am living in one small room of a second-story apartment
in the second-oldest apartment building in Durham, and I'm working as
a temp at eight dollars an hour, with no health or vacation benefits.

Sounds good, doesn't it?  Read on, and you'll find out how YOU can
LOSE MONEY FAST!

The first step in LOSING MONEY FAST is deciding HOW much money YOU
want to lose. Do you want to lose $1,000?  Or do you want to go all
the way and drop $50,000?  It's up to you!  Take a piece of paper and
write down YOUR personal loss target. Take that number to a local
graphic designer, and have him or her create a really nifty-looking
design for that logo, in four-color separations, with gold foil
highlights. After you have your Loss Target in hand, take it to a
framing studio, and get a cool-looking frame, maybe in with anodized
black trim.  Once you've got it all framed and nice-looking, PUT IT ON
YOUR WALL, and be proud!  You've just lost UP TO $500!  That's right!
By this time, you're already down FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS, and that's
only the BEGINNING! There're even BIGGER losses on the way!

The real secret of LOSING MONEY FAST is in VOLUME.  Don't think about
losing money a few bucks at a time, think of losing money HUNDREDS OF
DOLLARS at a time. Here's how: go to your bank or savings and loan,
and withdraw an amount of money equal to your Loss Target.  If you
don't have that much in liquid assets, try selling your car, or even
an organ or two.  Ask for the money in small denominations, preferably
dollar bills.

Then, go down to your local post office and ask about the rules and
regulations governing mass mailings.  Get a number of envelopes equal
to your Loss Target, address them to OCCUPANT, and put a dollar bill
inside each and every envelope.  Then, take them down to your local
post office, and send them off!  You've just LOST BIG BUCKS!  And it's
NOT TAX DEDUCTIBLE!  That's the danger in OTHER lose-money schemes:
many of them are tax deductible, and some can even qualify you for
charitable awards! But not LOSE.MONEY.FAST, because YOU cut out the
middleman!  YOUR money goes DIRECT from you to OTHER PEOPLE!  No
receipts!  No records! Nothing except the thrill of seeing your bank
account dwindle!

Here are a few comments by happy people who have LOST MONEY FAST!:

Mr. D. Terwilliger, of Pismo Beach, CA.: "I never thought I could lose
money so fast, or so easily.  The cash just seemed to vanish. It was
exciting, and I got rid of all my money.  I can't recommend
LOSE.MONEY.FAST enough. "

Ms. R.Swathmire, of Springview, VA: "Thank you for telling me how to
LOSE MONEY FAST.  I used to have to sweat through bank statements,
credit reports, and dividend checks.  Now, I don't have to worry about
any of that!"

Mr. R.Cherminski, of Seattle, WA: "It's such a relief not to have to
worry about my money any more.  It's so different, now, I don't have a
care in the world, and it's all thanks to LOSE.MONEY.FAST."

Take advantage of this new and exciting concept in fiscal management,
and LOSE MONEY FAST!*

* as used by the US government


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