Jokes...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 30 Jul 1997 18:57:59 +0100


Hiya All...

Here are a string of daft jokes...sent in by Alan...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

Q:  Why did Maria Schriver marry Arnold Schwartzeneggar?
A:  They're trying to breed a bullet-proof Kennedy.

Q:  What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A:  You know she'll swallow.

Q:  How does every ethnic joke start?
A:  By looking over your shoulder.

Q:  What's a Japanese girl's favorite holiday?
A:  Erection day.

Q:  Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the 
    same day in Iraq?
A:  They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q:  What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A:  Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the whole 
    chicken.

Q:  How can you tell if a bank robber is gay?
A:  He ties up the safe and blows the guard.

Q:  How can you tell if you're in a gay church?
A:  Only half the congregation is kneeling.

Q:  How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay 
    rodeo?
A:  At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!"

Q:  What's the difference between a freezer and a fag?
A:  A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Q:  Whats the most popular pick up line in a gay bar?
A:  "May I push in your stool?"

Q:  Which is better, being born black or gay?
A:  Black, because you don't have to tell your parents.

Q:  How can you spot the blind guy in a nudist colony?
A:  It's not hard.

Q:  How can you tell if a valentine is from a leper?
A:  The tongue's still in the envelope.

Q:  What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis?
A:  "Partially disabled."

Q:  What was Helen Keller's dog's name?
A:  "Huuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmth!"

Q:  What's small, green, and falls apart?
A:  A leperchaun.

Q:  Why does Helen Keller need two hands to masturbate?
A:  One to do the work and the other to moan with.

Q:  What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A:  A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q:  How do you save a lawyer from drowning?
A:  Take your foot off his head.

Q:  If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A:  It might be your bicycle.

Q:  What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead 
    skunk in the road?
A:  The skid marks are in front of the skunk.

Q:  How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A:  Cut the rope.

Q:  How come no one ever came up with any jokes about the Jonestown 
    incident?
A:  The punchlines were too long.

Q:  What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common?
A:  They just didn't listen.

Q:  How many Puerto Ricans does it take to grease a car?
A:  Just one if you hit him right.

Q:  What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three piece suit?
A:  "Will the defendant please rise..."

Q:  When does a Puerto Rican become a Spaniard?
A:  When he marries your daughter.

Q:  Why are they using Mexicans instead of laboratory rats in 
    experiments now?
A:  They breed faster and you don't get so attached to them.

Q:  When does a black man become a nigger?
A:  When he leaves the room.

Q:  What's the difference between blacks and snow tires?
A:  Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

Q:  What are the three most difficult years in a Pole's life?
A:  Second grade.

Q:  What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A:  A new last name.

Q:  Why don't Polish women use vibrators?
A:  It chips their teeth.

Q:  Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A:  They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

Q:  How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A:  They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

Q:  How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?
A:  Wipe your dick on the curtains.

Q:  What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A:  "Honey, I'm home."

Q:  What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A:  After 10 years the job still sucks.

Q:  What's the hardest thing about a sex change from a man to a woman?
A:  Inserting the anchovies.

Q:  Which of the following doesn't belong:  wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
A:  The blowjob.  You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but 
    you just can't beat a blowjob.

Q:  Why do women have two holes on the bottom?
A:  So when they get drunk at a party, you can carry them home like a 
    six-pack.