Decoding Teacher Reports...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 24 Jul 1996 04:44:51 +0100


Hiya Loonies...

Here's a guide to interpreting those teacher reports...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

ITS REPORT TIME

Its school report time again.  Are you having difficulty determining 
exactly what is meant by those phrases written about your Johnny's
progress?  Sure, it seems school reports are "packed with platitudes" to 
make deciphering impossible, but if you can "crack the code" about your 
child, look at what new understanding you can gain:

satisfactory progress ............ I can't think of a single interesting
                                   thing about him             
easy going ....................... runs a protection racket 
lively ........................... bone idle
good progress .................... If you think his work is bad now,
                                   you should have seen it a year ago.
a sensitive child ................ never stops whining 
helpful .......................... creep
reliable ......................... grasses on his mates
adventurous ...................... will break his neck before the year's 
                                   out 
has difficulty in forming
relationships .................... I can't stand him either 
expresses himself confidently .... cheeky little bastard 
enjoys all PE activities ......... thug
has had a lot of minor illnesses . truants regularly 
friendly ......................... never shuts up
easily distracted ................ hasn't produced a single piece of 
                                   good work all year
works better in a small group .... daren't take my eyes off him for a 
                                   second 
imaginative ...................... lies and cheats regularly
needs praise & encouragement ..... thick as two short planks 
expresses himself clearly ........ foul-mouthed
keen to do well .................. egotistical
does not accept authority easily . Dad's doing time 
is easily upset .................. spoilt rotten
often appears tired .............. stays up till all hours watching 
                                   horror movies or is into glue 
                                   sniffing
works better at
practical activities ............. totally illiterate 
good with his hands .............. light-fingered
a rather solitary child .......... smells or has nits 
independent-minded ............... totally obstinate
determined ....................... completely lacking all scruples 
inclined to day-dream ............ in one ear and out the other
a good sense of humour ........... teases other kids unmercifully
a quiet child .................... lacking any individuality whatsoever 
easily influenced ................ the form fall-guy
popular at the Play Centre ....... sells pornography
a vivid imagination .............. never short of an excuse
a very inquisitive mind .......... often caught playing Doctors & Nurses
does not give classes 
his full attention ............... smokes in the lavatories
often needs guidance ............. never out of the Principal's office