Microsoft Cars...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 19 Jun 1996 04:40:29 +0100


Hiya Loonies...

Imagine if Microsoft made cars...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
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*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

                            MS CAR


Top 20 Ways Microsoft Would Change The Auto Industry  . . . .


20. The radio would be computerized, but you'd need to install 64 
    Meg of RAM, a new sound card, a game card, a new video driver,
    a CD drive, and type C:\radio\talk\rush*.* to get it to play.

19. The entire engine wouldn't be in the bay at once, and the car 
    would have to keep stopping and starting to load in the
    relevant parts.

18. The speedometer would read 70 even though you are only doing 50.

17. You would have to have a full service every 500 miles.

16. Your car would refuse to start with a message
    "Abort, Retry, Fail?"

15. For some reason the engine controller would need a 1G hard 
    disc and would take 5 minutes to boot up.

14. The steering wheel would be replaced with a mouse and you'd 
    need to memorize the keyboard short-cut for "Brake".

13. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until 
    after that particular year.

12. They wouldn't build their own engines but form a cartel with 
    their engine supplier.  The latest engine would have 16 
    cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it
    would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford
    parts on it. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos,
    but it would be slower on most existing roads.

11. The air bag system would say "Are you sure?" before going 
    off.

10. New seats would require everyone to have the same butt size.

9.  We would all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.

8.  The U.S. government would be forced to rebuild all of the 
    roads for Microsoft cars; they will drive on the old roads,
    but they run very slowly.

7.  The oil, alternator, gas and engine warning lights would be 
    replaced by a single 'General Car Fault' warning light.

6.  Sun MotorSystems would make a car that was solar-powered, 
    twice as reliable and five times as fast, but would run on
    only 5% of the roads.

5.  You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.

4.  You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless 
    you bought a Car95 or CarNT -- but then you would have to
    buy ten more seats and a new engine.

3a. Occasionally, your car would die for NO apparent reason and 
    you would have to restart it.  Strangely, you would just
    accept this as normal.

3b. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to 
    stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the
    engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, too.

2.  Every time the lines of the road were repainted, you would 
    have to buy a new car.

1.  People would get excited about the new features of the latest 
    Microsoft cars, forgetting that these same features had been 
    available from another car maker for many years.