Irresponsible Adults Only...XXX

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Fri, 31 May 1996 13:00:09 +0100


Hiya Loonies...

Here's a bit of adult humour...so don't let the kids read these...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
***                                               ***
***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
***                                               ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and
says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and
I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
sleep.  A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment
tomorrow too?"


A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole.  He
watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to
himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my *thumb*"


Two kids were having the standard argument about whose father could
beat up whose father.  One boy said, "My father is better than your
father." The other kid said, "Well, my mother is better than your
mother."  The first boy paused, "I guess you're right.  My father says
the same thing."


An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18.  When they got into bed the
night after the wedding, he held up three fingers.  "Oh honey", said the
young nymph, "Does that mean we're going to do it three times?"  "No",
said the old man, "It means you can take your pick."


Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest
daughter walks in.
Child: Mother, where do babies come from?
Mom:  Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married.  One
night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex.  (The
daughter looks puzzled.)  That means the daddy puts his penis in the
mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.
Child:  Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's
room you had daddy's penis in your mouth.  What do you get when you do
that?
Mom:  Jewelry, dear.


Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex?
Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked.


I met this gal in a bar, and one thing lead to another...  I said,
"Let's go back to my place."  She said, "Oh, do you have cable?"  I
said, "No...But I have some old ropes that should hold just fine..."


The difference between a good girl and a nice girl:
A nice girl goes out on a date, goes home, and goes to bed.
A good girl goes out on a date, goes to bed, and then goes home.


Bill worked in a pickle factory.  He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he
had a terrible compulsion.  He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer.  His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed.  He
vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
     
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.  
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put
my penis into the pickle slicer?"  
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."  
"Yes, I did."  
"My God, Bill, what happened?"  
"I got fired."  
"No, Bill.  I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"  
"Oh...she got fired too."