The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 16 May 1996 12:02:22 +0100
Hiya People...
If any of you try these, remember it's nothing to do with me...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
--
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF HOW TO ANNOY YOUR ROOM-MATE
Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of
your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
Speak in tongues.
Move your roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually
work up to big things, and eventually glue everything he/she owns to the
ceiling.
Walk and talk backwards.
Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the
middle of your room. Number them.
Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your
roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more
than meets the eye."
Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man,"
"Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when
you are.
Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to
masturbate while reading them.
Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come,
pretend nothing happened.
Smile. All the time.
Hide a bunch of potato chips in the bottom of a trash can. When you get
hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your
roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he
reimburse you.
Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with
"Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly
that you can never find the book that you want.
Listen to radio static.
Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them
as soon as you wake up.
Send secret admirer notes from your roommate's e-mail account.
Whenever your roomate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and
giggle to yourself.
Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like
you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks,
say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your
roommate.
Follow him/her around on weekends.
Take his/her underwear. Wear it.
Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say
anything, just stare.
Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really
important but you can't remember who it was.
Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can't answer a
problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask
your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you
don't trust your ceiling.
Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort
for an entire weekend.
When you walk into your room, turn off your lights. Turn them on when
you leave.
Print up satanic signs and leave them in your room where he/she can
find them.
Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling
above your bed. Sing them every night before you go to bed.
Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language.
Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spray
three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
Piss in a jar and leave it by your bed. When your roommate isn't
looking, replace it with a jar of apple juice. Wait until your roommate
turns around. Drink it.
Buy an inflatable doll. Sleep with it.
Talk to your roommate but don't let any sound come out. Get mad at
him/her for not listening to you.
Ask your roommate if Bob, your invisible friend, can stay the night.
Ask your roommate if he/she can turn down the music; Bob has a headache.
Start a brothel.
Let your alarm clock go off and refuse to turn it off. If your roommate
comments, pretend not to hear anything.
When your roommate has friends over, get under your covers and stare at
them through a little hole in the covers. Use a telescope.
When you leave the room, put on a screensaver that says, "I'm watching
you."