The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Wed, 29 Nov 2000 01:52:24 +0000
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya People...
Here's your horoscope for today...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
By Lloyd Schumner Sr.
Retired Machinist and
A.A.P.B.-Certified Astrologer
Aries: (March 21--April 19)
Your promise to be "the best sister in the world" if God saves your pet
hamster is complicated by the fact that you have no siblings, you are
not female, and Mr. Squeaks is a rat.
Taurus: (April. 20--May 20)
Shelley Long will briefly win back the nation's heart by repeatedly
ringing your doorbell and running away.
Gemini: (May 21--June 21)
You'll get your girlfriend pregnant, but don't worry: It isn't a human
baby.
Cancer: (June 22--July 22)
That ever-present, inexplicable feeling of dread will begin to make a
little more sense this week.
Leo: (July 23--Aug. 22)
You are shocked and embarrassed when police tell you that "Manwiches"
should be made from a canned-beef mix.
Virgo: (Aug. 23--Sept. 22)
Your shocking decision to pose nude in Cosmopolitan may not have created
such a stir had you asked the editors' permission first.
Libra: (Sept. 23--Oct. 23)
Your boast that you could solve the Arab-Israeli conflict with one hand
tied behind your back comes back to haunt you when you try to escape
Syria in a rowboat.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24--Nov. 21)
Save time: Exact bloody revenge now, before the bastards have a chance
to wrong you.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22--Dec. 21)
Your attempt to write a sensitive novel about close relationships is
hampered by your never having had one.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22--Jan. 19)
The tranquil picture of your life will be shattered into a thousand
pieces and scattered to the four winds, but not so that you'd notice.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20--Feb. 18)
You face the cold reality of getting older when you realize that you are
no longer too sexy for your shirt.
Pisces: (Feb. 19--March 20)
You will be chilled to the very depths of your soul by the phrase
"producer-director Rip Taylor."
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