The Equipment...

The Loony Bin ( andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
26 Mar 1998 13:03:15 -0000


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Hiya People...

Here are some PG-rated ones for you...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
	xx

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***                                                 ***
***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***           loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk          ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
***                                                 ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

SHOE SIZE

A nymphomaniac heard that men with big feet are also well
endowed sexually.

The same day, a hobo knocked on her door and asked for a
handout. The nympho observed that he had very large shoes, maybe
size fourteen. She immediately invited him in, gave him a meal,
a bottle of beer, and took him to bed.

Afterward, she gave the guy fifty bucks, telling him, "Go buy
yourself a pair of goddamn shoes that fit!"

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

EXERCISING RESTRAINT

A woman told her doctor she was so flat-chested that men had
little interest in her. No one had even asked her for a date and
she was getting desperate.

The doctor told her about a series of exercises that would help
solve her problem. The only catch was they had to be done for 15
minutes every day without fail. She was to put her hands in her
armpits and bend her elbows backwards as far as she could. This
would enlarge her pectoral muscles and help solve her problem.

The doctor also said it would be good to exercise at the same
time every day and would help maintain a certain rhythm if she
repeated this little phrase while exercising, "I must, I must, I
must increase my bust."  

She opted to exercise at 2 p.m. each day and happened to be
waiting for the bus at the designated time. While she was
exercising and repeating the exercise phrase, she felt a tap on
her shoulder and a man behind her asked if she knew what time it
was.  

She indicated it was 2:05p.m. and he said, "Oh my goodness, it's
time!"  

He then began jumping up and down while saying, "Hickory,
dickory, doc, I must..."

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

WELL ENDOWED

They had been having a few beers at the bar together recounting
old times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the
same time, still deep in conversation. But Fred could hardly
ignore the fact that Chas was very well endowed.

"I say, that's a remarkable donger you have there old boy," Fred
was prompted to remark.

"Wasn't always that way," replied Chas. "Medical science can do
wonders with transplants these days," he said. "I got this done
over in Harley St, England. Cost a thousand bucks, but as you
can see, well worth every cent."

Fred was envious.  In fact, he packed his bag that night and
flew off to London first thing.

It was a good six months later before he ran into his old cobber
once again and Fred could hardly wait to tell him that he had
taken his advice and was well pleased with the result.

"But Chas, I will tell you something else," said Fred. "You were
diddled. I got mine for $500, not a thousand."

Chas could hardly believe it.  Same address in Harley St, same
doctor. Complaining that he had been ripped off, he asked Fred
if he could have a look.

Once more they lined up at the porcelain and when Chas took a
peek over the partition the worried frown which had creased his
face disappeared. 

"No wonder," he laughed.  "That's my old one!"

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

MAGIC MIRROR

A young couple bought an antique mirror. 

"It has magical powers," the man in the shop told them.

That evening, the woman stood in front of the mirror and said:
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, make me the fairest of them all."

She was transformed into a Supermodel.

Her amazed husband decided to have a go, and said: "Mirror,
mirror, on the wall, make my privates touch the floor."

His legs dropped off.

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