The Loony Bin
(
andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
26 Mar 1998 13:03:15 -0000
This Message Is Sponsored By: ListBot Get a free mailing list for your web site! Visit http://www.listbot.com/ today. Hiya People... Here are some PG-rated ones for you... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ******************************************************* ******************************************************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- SHOE SIZE A nymphomaniac heard that men with big feet are also well endowed sexually. The same day, a hobo knocked on her door and asked for a handout. The nympho observed that he had very large shoes, maybe size fourteen. She immediately invited him in, gave him a meal, a bottle of beer, and took him to bed. Afterward, she gave the guy fifty bucks, telling him, "Go buy yourself a pair of goddamn shoes that fit!" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= EXERCISING RESTRAINT A woman told her doctor she was so flat-chested that men had little interest in her. No one had even asked her for a date and she was getting desperate. The doctor told her about a series of exercises that would help solve her problem. The only catch was they had to be done for 15 minutes every day without fail. She was to put her hands in her armpits and bend her elbows backwards as far as she could. This would enlarge her pectoral muscles and help solve her problem. The doctor also said it would be good to exercise at the same time every day and would help maintain a certain rhythm if she repeated this little phrase while exercising, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust." She opted to exercise at 2 p.m. each day and happened to be waiting for the bus at the designated time. While she was exercising and repeating the exercise phrase, she felt a tap on her shoulder and a man behind her asked if she knew what time it was. She indicated it was 2:05p.m. and he said, "Oh my goodness, it's time!" He then began jumping up and down while saying, "Hickory, dickory, doc, I must..." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= WELL ENDOWED They had been having a few beers at the bar together recounting old times when the call of nature caused them to line up at the same time, still deep in conversation. But Fred could hardly ignore the fact that Chas was very well endowed. "I say, that's a remarkable donger you have there old boy," Fred was prompted to remark. "Wasn't always that way," replied Chas. "Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days," he said. "I got this done over in Harley St, England. Cost a thousand bucks, but as you can see, well worth every cent." Fred was envious. In fact, he packed his bag that night and flew off to London first thing. It was a good six months later before he ran into his old cobber once again and Fred could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result. "But Chas, I will tell you something else," said Fred. "You were diddled. I got mine for $500, not a thousand." Chas could hardly believe it. Same address in Harley St, same doctor. Complaining that he had been ripped off, he asked Fred if he could have a look. Once more they lined up at the porcelain and when Chas took a peek over the partition the worried frown which had creased his face disappeared. "No wonder," he laughed. "That's my old one!" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= MAGIC MIRROR A young couple bought an antique mirror. "It has magical powers," the man in the shop told them. That evening, the woman stood in front of the mirror and said: "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, make me the fairest of them all." She was transformed into a Supermodel. Her amazed husband decided to have a go, and said: "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, make my privates touch the floor." His legs dropped off. ----------------------------------------------------------------- This message was sent via ListBot. To remove yourself from this list, please visit http://www.listbot.com/remove.html -----------------------------------------------------------------