Women's Rules for Men...

The Loony Bin ( andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
24 Mar 1998 23:49:35 -0000


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Hiya Loonies...

Here are the rules...following them will ensure harmony in your
household...ignore them at your own risk...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
	xx

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***                                                 ***
***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***           loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk          ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
***                                                 ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

A WOMAN'S 50 RULES FOR MEN

1. Call.
2. Don't lie.
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember 
    the zoo rules: No Petting.
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."  
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.  
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", 
     "Lardass",and "Bitch" are bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.   
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or 
     better in bed. 
15. Her cooking is excellent.
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.   
17. Dishsoap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, 
     and warm does not equal clean.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is 
     never going to end that conversation.
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"   
22. Two words: clean socks.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when 
     you're drunk.
24. Burping is not sexy.
25. You're wrong.
26. You're sorry.
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your 
     cool car than you think she is.
28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a 
     single bound. 
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is 
     bad.
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood. 
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she 
     feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could 
     change without notice.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her 
     toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do 
     it.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't 
     act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't. 
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often. 
41. Always, always suck up to her brother. 
42. Think boxers.
43. Silk boxers.
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she 
     so names. 
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
46. Her haircut is never bad.
47. Don't let your friends pick on her. 
48. Call.
49. Don't lie. (Yes, leaving out the truth is lying.)
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The 
     fact that she  has to go through labour while you sit in 
     the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair 
     either, and it balances everything.

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