The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 17 Mar 1997 22:46:55 +0000
Hiya Folks...
People living overseas have often had trouble coping with the
complexities of the English peerage...and now there are computers to get
even more confused...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
COMPUTERS MEET PEERAGE
CONTEMPORARY forms of address for British peers, or what happens when an
ancient and honorable title meets the computer:
Address lists (maximum name field length usually 18 characters) have
found it next to impossible to render peerage titles in full.
Marquess of Tavistock is generally 'M O Tavistock,' 'Marquess Of
Tavist,' or 'Marquess Tavistock.' Often the word 'of' is rendered just
'O' giving the family an non-genetic Irish ancestry.
Lord Hailsham of St. Marylebone's all-time favorite was a piece of junk
mail quaintly addressed to 'Mr. Of.'
DUKES and DUCHESSES: The Duke of Richmond at Heathrow:
"I have a booking, my name is Richmond."
"I'm sorry, but we have no booking for you."
"I think you have -- here is my card."
(Frantic whirring of computer) -- "Ah, yes, Mr. Duck, is it?"
"Yesss . . . . (long sigh).
Next day in Brussels:
"Hello, my name is Richmond, I have a booking."
"I'm sorry, but we have no booking for you."
"I see; here is my card." "Oh -- are you Mr. The?"
MARQUESS/MARQUIS/MARCHIONESS: Lady Tavistock paid for some purchases at
Bloomingdale's, where the sales clerk looked at her credit card and
asked:
"If you're a 'Martianess,' is your husband a 'Martian'?
EARLS and COUNTESSES: The Right Honorable Richard Thomas Orlando
Bridgeman, Earl of Bradford, has received mail addressed, at various
times, to:
Earl R. T. Orlando;
Earl Richard T O Bradford Of,
Right On Earl Of Bradford,
Earl of B - R Thomas,
Of Bradford Esq.,
The R Earl,
The Righton The Seventh Earl,
Ear Bradford,
The Ear of Bradford / The Seventh Ear of Bradford, and
Monsieur Earlov;
With salutations such as:
"Dear The Ea Bradford."
"Dear Mr. The"
His wife, not to be left out, has received mail addressed to:
The Earless of Bradford,
Ms The Earl Of Bradford, and
The Countess Bra.
VISCOUNTS and VISCOUNTESSES: The Viscount Massereene and Ferrard was
once addressed as 'The Viscount Maserati and Ferrari.' As he said, "If
only it were true!"
Viscount Norwich reports being addressed as "The Vice Count Norwich" and
"The Discount Norwich."
COURTESY TITLES: Lord Montagu of Beaulieu, trying to telephone a friend
in Washington, DC, through a receptionist. Conversation reported as:
"Hello, this is Lord Montagu. Could you put me through to Mr. ------.
Please?"
"Certainly, sir. Umm, could I ask ... is that 'Lord' as in 'Jesus'?"
LAST BUT NOT LEAST (and possibly apocryphal): An anonymous Lady had
invited many titled guests, including a Duke and Duchess, to a grand
dinner. She had also asked the Aga Khan, but secretly expected him to
decline. However, when he accepted, Her Ladyship was perplexed as to
where to seat him!
She consulted DEBRETT'S PEERAGE, where she found this pearl of wisdom:
'By his millions of followers the Aga Khan is regarded as a direct
descendent of God. An English Duke takes precedence.'