The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 17 Mar 1997 22:45:27 +0000
Hiya All...
Here's one from Dragon...how true it is...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>***
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys
By Mikki Halpin and Victoria Maat
So, your crush on the bass player from Vibrating Sandbox has finally
died a whimpering death and you're wondering where to go from here. All
the sinister dudes are either dating a series of interchangeable high-
school riot girls in baby doll dresses and an overdose of manic panic,
or permanently shacked up with some bitter old lady who pays all the
bills. Which will it be, a wifely prison or a humiliating one night
stand?
Into this void of potential mates comes a man you may not have
considered before, a man of substance, quietude and stability, a
cerebral creature with a culture all his own. In short, a geek.
Why Geek Dudes Rule
They are generally available.
Other women will tend not to steal them.
They can fix things.
Your parents will love them.
They're smart.
Where The Geek Dude Lurks
While they are often into alternative music, geek dudes tend not to go
to shows too often. Instead you'll find them hanging out with their
friends, discussing the latest hardware revolution or perfecting their
Bill Gates impressions.
You know how some people wear t-shirts with their favorite bands on
them, thus showing that they went to certain shows? Well, geek dudes
wear t-shirts with the logos of different software companies on them,
thus showing that they are up on the latest, um, releases. A small,
though convivial, rivalry may be detected here amongst the geek dudes.
Try wearing one yourself and see if he strikes up a conversation.
Of course the best way to meet a geek dude is through the Internet. All
geeks harbor a secret fantasy about meeting some girl in cyberspace,
carrying on an e-mail romance in which he has the chance to combine an
activity he is comfortable with, computing, with one he is very
uncomfortable with, socializing.
To many geek dudes, cyberdating is just an advanced form of some kind of
video game, but they are frustrated by a lack of players. Their lack is
your strength.
Imprinting
You might notice that these men harbor some strange ideas about how the
world works and some particularly strange ideas about women. There is a
reason for this. Because they've had limited interpersonal experience,
geek dudes must look elsewhere for behavior models.
Lacking a real world social milieu, geeks often go through a
transference stage with such narratives, and try to model their
interactions on them. Thus, certain media images and themes come to have
an overly cathected, metaphorized reality to them, while the rest of us
view such programming as mere entertainment. Case in point, our next
topic...
The Trek factor
If you're not up on your Star Trek, you can forget about getting or
keeping a geek dude. And I'm not just talking vintage-era Captain Kirk
and Spock either. You've got to be up on your The Next Generation, your
Deep Space Nine, your Voyager.
Armed with your own knowledge of Federation policies, you can better
gauge when and how to act. The sexual politics of Star Trek are pretty
blunt: the men run the technology and the ship, and the women are
caretakers (a doctor and a counselor). Note the sexual tensions on the
bridge of the Enterprise: the women, in skin tight uniforms, and with
luxuriant, flowing hair. The men, often balding, and sporting some sort
of permanently attached computer auxiliary.
This world metaphorizes the fantasies of the geek dude, who sees himself
in the geeky-but-heroic male officers and who secretly desires a sexy,
smart, Deanna or Bev to come along and deferentially accept him for who
he is. If you are willing to accept that this is his starting point for
reality, you are ready for a geek relationship.
Once You've Nabbed Him
Of course, catching that geek guy is only half the battle. Keeping him
by your side is another story altogether. I was privileged to speak with
Miss Victoria Maat, who not only got herself a geek guy but was also
clever enough to marry him just a few short months ago. She interrupted
her newlywed bliss to give us a few tips on the care and feeding of a
geek man:
Geeks are sensitive and caring lovers and husbands. If you can hang with
the techno-lifestyle, they make the best mates. They are the most
attractive people, not flashy or hunky, but the kind who get cuter and
more alluring over time (I told you she was a newlywed). Definitely give
geeks a chance.
Geek Cuisine
Geeks tend towards packaged, junk foods since they prefer to work and
think and aren't all that into cooking for themselves. Make sure that
your geek understands that you are not merely a replicator, and
provide him with home cooked food. A batch of chocolate chip cookies
will let him know that you love him. You do have to monitor your geek
for weight gain; however, remember that most of their days are spent
sitting and staring at a monitor.
Geek Lifestyle
The geek dude has long work habits and tends to bring his work home with
him. He seems permanently connected to his hard disk. You must at least
appear interested in his work. Generally, a solid understanding of the
computer is a must; if you cannot master this, you should at least be
able to talk the talk. Remember most geeks are anal and they get
stressed about details which appear insignificant. Be understanding, put
on your best Deanna Troi face (see above) and empathize.
To relax, geeks love to play the latest computer games. Let him play
Myst or Chuck Yeager's Air Combat for hours if he wants to. Act
concerned if he's stuck or has just been ambushed by three MiGs.
My geek loves to try to help people on the Internet who say that they
are stuck in Myst. He comes up with clever riddles instead of directing
them point blank. Geeks also like to go to sci-fi and Japanese animated
movies, again, a basically harmless vent for your man.
Geek Buddies
Many geeks extend their work friendships into what they jokingly refer
to as RL (Real Life, also known as "that big room with the ceiling that
is sometimes blue and sometimes black with little lights"). The greatest
thing about your geek's buddies is that you can feel secure in setting
them up with your girlfriends. They may feel awkward around females at
first, so don't overwhelm them. In time they will come out of their
shell and realize that you are into the same things they are.
Post-It Note
I thank Victoria for the above advice. I must say that when she read my
draft of the piece, before writing her section, she asked her husband
which one he thought she was more like, Deanna or Beverly. Howard, the
devil, immediately replied that he had always thought Victoria was
actually most like Ensign Ro Laren, a cute character with a slight
authority problem who has always had trouble (this is fairly apt). This
exchange is interesting for several reasons:
Howard had already thought about who she was most like.
He could summon up characters from seasons past with ease.
Victoria actually knew who he meant.
Folks, I think this marriage will last.
One Last Thing
Because they have been so abused and ignored by society, many geeks have
gone underground. You may actually know some and just haven't noticed
them. They often feel resentful, and misunderstood, and it is important
to realize this as you grow closer to them. Don't ever try to force the
issue, or make crazy demands that he choose between his computer and
you. Remember, his computer has been there for him his whole life; you
are a new interloper he hasn't quite grasped yet.
Geek dudes thrive on mystery and love challenges and intellectual
puzzles. Don't you consider yourself one? Wouldn't you like a little
intellectual stimulation of your own? We thought so.