The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 13 Nov 1996 19:34:14 +0000
Hiya Loonies... Here are some thoughts on dating... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************* *****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- JERRY SEINFELD ON DATING Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it. "Well, Bill, the boss thinks you're the man for the job. Why don't you strip down and meet some of the people you'll be working with?" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= COMPUTER DATES A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= DATING DON'TS Copyright 1996, Greg Bulmash, All Rights Reserved I've recently been discussing dating with a female friend and it got me to thinking. There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. So, for the aid and edification of my readers, I thought I'd point out a few things NOT to say on a date... "Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?" "I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired." "No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin." "I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you." "People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell." "I used to come here all the time with my ex." "I never said you _need_ a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it." "Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour." "I like clay. It's mushy." "I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look." "And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest." "I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask." "It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am." "Dropping my pants just scared them. But when my underwear hit the ground... Man! I never knew Jehovah's Witnesses could run that fast."