Rednecks...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 6 Nov 1996 00:29:39 +0000


Hiya People...

More rednecks again...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
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***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***           loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk          ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

                     You know you're a Redneck if...


Your wife has a spit cup on the ironing board.

You think a good time is a bug zapper and a six pack.
Your wife has ever come out of the bathroom and said, "Ya'll come look
at this afor I flush it."

Your house has wheels and your car doesn't.

Directions to your house say "...turn off paved road."

Everyday someone comes to your house thinking you are having a yard
sale.

The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.

You have ever been on national TV 3 or more times describing what the
tornado sounded like.

People ask to hunt in your front yard.

Your wife weighs more than your pickup truck.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

The most common phrase heard in your house is "Someone go jiggle the
handle."

You've been divorced and re-married 3 times and you still have the same
in-laws.

You have a house that's mobile and 14 cars that aren't.

You sell the wheels off your house for a keg of beer.

Remodeling the bathroom means digging a new hole in the backyard.

Your new recliner has more features than your new car.

You have more than one appliance on your front porch.

You refer to the fifth grade as "My Senior Year."

You've ever taken a beer to a job interview.

You smoked during your wedding.

Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

Your high school annual is now a mug book for the police department.

Your truck has curtains, but your house doesn't.

Your Christmas tree has beef jerky ornaments.

Your senior prom had a daycare centre.

Blowing a tire means a new flower pot for the front yard.

You need a power generator to run your KC lights on your truck.

You would rather walk the excess length off your jeans than hem them.

Someone asks you to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

Your two year old has more teeth than you do.

You get a passport to visit another state.

Your school mascot is an armadillo.

Your wedding song was "99 Bottles of Beer".

You've ever eaten road kill.

Your pickup truck is prettier than your wife.

You think your beer belly is "sexy".

You spend almost as much on lottery tickets as on cigarettes.

You've ever responded to how you are with "fair to middlin".

Your land houses more than two mobile homes.

You keep a can of Crisco in the bedroom.

You own more than three shirts with cut-off sleeves.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

The primary color of your car is Bondo.

You've ever lost a tooth opening a bottle of beer.

You stand under the mistletoe waiting for Granny or Cousin Sue Ellen to
walk by.

You can't marry your sweetheart because there are laws against it.

The ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You refer to your wife and mother-in-law as dual airbags.

You think a nutcracker is something you did off the high-dive.

Your favorite TV shows were the Dukes of Hazard and Hee Haw.

You've ever used a weed eater in the house.

You wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

You've ever cooked Spam on the grill.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba.

You have to carry a bucket of paint to the top of a water tower to
defend your sister's honour.

You don't know the words to the national anthem but can sing all the
words to Beverly Hillbillies and Gilligan's Island by heart.