Lists - Trek...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 23 Oct 1996 12:02:37 +0100


Hiya All...

Here's something for the Trekkers in the audience...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
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**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

The Top 10 Signs You've Watched Too Much Star Trek:
---------------------------------------------------

10) You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green 
    Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7.
9)  You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a trible.
8)  You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the 
    Enterprise.
7)  Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon 
    and torture you for information.
6)  You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and 
    crew while they were in the 20th century looking for a whale.
5)  Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of 
    T.J. Hooker and Capt. Kirk.
4)  You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't 
    that the one with Luke Skywalker?"
3)  You have no life.
2)  You recognize more than 4 references on this list.
1)  You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you 
    calculated for the planet Vulcan.


 TOP TEN BUMPERSTICKERS ON THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE
------------------------------------------------
10. "Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"
 9. "One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it"
 8. "HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!"
 7. "Guns don't kill people...Class 2 Phasers do!"
 6. "Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"
 5. "CAUTION...We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical."
 4. "If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"
 3. "Have you hugged a Ferengi today?"
 2. "We brake for cubes!"
 1. "Wesley On Board!"


SUREFIRE SIGNS THAT STAR TREK IS TAKING OVER YOUR LIFE:
-------------------------------------------------------
1.  Saying "make it so" in casual conversation
2.  Indignation because the periodic table doesn't include dilithium and 
    tritanium.
3.  Able to use "variable phase inverter" in a sentence without 
    excessive thought first
4.  More than one pair of Spock ears in junk drawer
5.  Have figured out the stardate system
6.  Sudden urge to wear lots of Lycra
7.  Scanning shelves at local liquor store for synthehol
8.  The Star Trek theme becomes background music for your dreams
9.  Major quote sources for thesis are Shakespeare, the Bible, and 
    "The Omega Glory"
10. Memorization of the crew's authorization codes
11. Forgetting that present-day elevators don't have voice interface
12. Attending a convention wearing non-Terran vestments
13. Actual serious thoughts about buying that $300 model of the 
    Enterprise from the Franklin Mint
14. Understanding Klingon
15. Lecturing any science professor on how transporters work
16. Playing fizzbin and understanding it
17. "The Outrageous Okona" seems like a fine piece of writing and 
    dramatic stylistics
18. Paying rapt attention during those endless special effects sequences 
    in ST:TMP
19. Inexplicable rock-climbing urges
20. More than three original episode outlines buried in your drawers



These were taken from the "Official Klingon Joke Book".

Q> How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A> None.  Klingons aren't afraid of the dark.

Q'> What do they do with the dead bulb?
A'> Execute it for failure.

Q"> What do they do with the Klingon who replaces the bulb?
A"> Execute him for cowardice.