The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 16 Oct 1996 14:10:06 +0100
Hiya Folks...
Here are some interesting points to ponder...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
-- From a newspaper contest where entrants were asked to imitate
"Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey"
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get
buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should
have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--
but I didn't want to upset him.
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday,
like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of
people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for
the long weekends.
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few
minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days
saved up.
It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident.
No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood
would be right there.
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the
things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same ones who think it
odd that I drive without pants.
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if
you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest
number you could come up with!
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no
feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them,
right?
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have
lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I
don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes
on the last day of their life?
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some
people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks.
Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think about
the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!"
If you really want to impress people with your computer literacy, add
the words "dot com" to the end of everything you say, dot com.
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog.
Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of
his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor.
WINNER
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world
peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the
looting started.