The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sat, 10 Aug 1996 08:24:29 +0100
Hiya All...
The subject heading says it all...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
YOU MIGHT BE AN ER PHYSICIAN/NURSE IF.......
1 - you believe 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm.
2 - discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly
normal to you.
3 - you believe a good tape job will fix anything.
4 - you have the bladder capacity of five normal people.
5 - you can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio.
6 - your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change.
7 - you find humour in other people's stupidity.
8 - you believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
9 - you disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.
10- you have your weekends off planned a year in advance.
11- when a patient presents with a list of medicine allergies you
automatically assume they are a drug seeker or a patient of
Dr. Solotkin.
12- your idea of comforting a child is to place them in a papoose
restraint.
13- you encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't
have to deal with them any longer.
14- you believe that "Shallow Gene Pool" should be a diagnosis.
15- you believe the govt should require a permit to reproduce.
16- you plan your dinner while performing gastric lavage.
17- you believe that "Ask-A-Nurse" is an evil plot thought up by
Satan.
18- you believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if the phrase
"Wow, it's really quiet" is uttered.
19- you refer to Friday as "Dump Day".
20- your diet consists of food that has undergone more processing
than most computers.
21- you believe chocolate is a food group.
22- when someone calls you a bastard, you take it as a compliment.
23- when you are out in public you compliment a complete stranger
on their good veins.
24- you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the
"Eternal Care Unit".
25- you don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate.
26- you have ever referred to someones death as a "Celestial
Discharge".
27- you have ever answered a "lost condom" phone call (See
"Ask-A-Nurse" above.)
28- you refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
29- your idea of a really good time is Duelling Shock Rooms.
30- you have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...
Getting it right".
31- you believe that "Too Stupid to Live" should be a diagnosis.
32- you have ever had to leave a patients room before you began
laughing uncontrollably.