The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 17 Jul 1996 13:44:22 +0100
Hiya Folks...
More in the way of strange signs for you...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
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******************Internet Goddess*******************
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Strange Signs
The following are actual signs mostly seen across the U.S.A.
_____________________________________________
At gas/petrol eateries through the nation: Eat here and get gas.
At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass
container.
In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil
ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the
full extent of the law. -- Sisters of Mercy
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same
spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless
with child.
In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy
On a New Hampshire medical building: Martin Diabetes Professional Ass.
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your
home.
In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
In a toy department: Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!
On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal
Church.
On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible
prices and workmanship.
At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards: Now available in
multi-packs.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let
our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, $10.
They won't last an hour!
On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
On a Pennsylvania highway: Drive carefully. Auto accidents kill most
people 15 to 19.
In downtown Boston: Calahan Tunnel -- No end
In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when
you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.
In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: Now serving live lobsters.
On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.
On a movie marquee: Now playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands!
In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave
please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers
from any but their own graves.
On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
On the grounds of a public school: No trespassing without permission.
In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public
stops taking it away.
On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is
impassable.
Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this,
it's time to wash your car.
And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise
untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says "Do not throw
stones at this sign."
Sign on a variety store in Westbrook, Maine: "Free Cigarettes with
purchase of matches - $2.00"
Sign in front of a hardware store, right next to the variety store
above, on a display of rolled-up grass/sod ("Instant lawn"): "Pssst!
Wanna buy some grass?
In a Mom-and-Pop variety store in Groton, Mass.: "Our new Credit
Manager is Helen Waite. If you want credit go to Helen Waite."
And, in a pizza joint: "We made a deal with the bank - they don't make
pizzas and we don't cash checks."
Seen in a Church: Would parishioners please note that the bowl to the
rear of the church that says "For the sick" is for monetary
contributions only. Thank you.