The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 8 Jul 1996 04:03:43 +0100
Hiya People...
More OS for you...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Note...This is obviously out of date, but funny just the same.....
How about an update from one of you techies?
If Operating Systems Were Beers
-------------------------------
DOS Beer -
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an
8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the cans are divided
into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep
drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer -
At first, came only in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical.
When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients
list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you
are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds
you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer -
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like a
Mac Beer's can. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that
it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality,
you can drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are
drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently
no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
OS/2 Beer -
Comes in a 32-oz. can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
too, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking
OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing)
claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer -
Before you could buy it a lot of people taste-tested it and claimed it
was wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more
like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look
inside, the cans only have 16-oz. of beer in them. Most people will
probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 beer until their friends try Windows
95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at
the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS Beer,
even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer -
Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The
can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer, but the company promises to change
the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer - After Windows 95 Beer starts
shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only
for use in bars.
Unix Beer -
Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they
claim that all the diffeent brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the
pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your
own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need
a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix
Beer for several years.
AmigaDOS Beer -
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked
up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import.
This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer
didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an
extemely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but
now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced,
it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over
the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it
is only meant for watching TV anyway.
VMS Beer -
Requires minimum user interaction, except for popping the top and
sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or
contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure
development you're told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown
listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was
once listed in the Physician's Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no
one can claim to have actually seen it.
The biggest problem is before you drink any one of them you have to buy
a really expensive bag of chips to go with it.