How to kill an eel...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 29 May 1996 08:35:53 +0100


Hiya Loonies...

Here a bit more stuff for you...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
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******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


                       HOW TO KILL AN EEL

   Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather 
curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys 
and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his 
questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining 
things to Johnny she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and 
watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following 
morning Johnny described everything to his mother.

    Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off
most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her,  I figured sis
must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must
have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel
her heart, just like the doctor would. Except he's not as good as the
doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. 

    He was getting sick  too, because pretty soon both of them started  
panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been
getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got
toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it
was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.

    Finally, I found out what was making them so sick.... a big eel had
gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and
stood there about 9 inches long. HONEST! anyway, he grabbed it in one
hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really
scared. Her eyes grew big and her mouth fell open, and she started
calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones
I saw at the lake!

    "Anyway", sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by bitting its
head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go... I
guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it
tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the
eels head to keep it from biting again.

      Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock
on it.  And he helped by laying on the top of the eel. The eel put up a
hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend
almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing
it between them.

      After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her 
boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel... I knew it
was dead because it just hung there limp and some of its insides were
hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the  battle,
but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her
again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight
up and started to fight again.

     I guess eels are like cats.... they have nine lives or something.
This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it.
After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know
it was dead this time because I saw sis's boyfriend peel off the skin
and flush it down the toilet.

Mother fainted.