The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 5 May 1996 12:06:02 +0100
Hiya People...
Let's get away from UNIX for the moment, shall we...???
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
--
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded message follows -------
1. I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill
Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom.
2. Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking,
standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make
DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface,
for that would be a gross HACK.
3. Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You
don't need that much space anyway.
4. Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM.
After all, it's TEN TIMES what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep
holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers,
memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer
USEFUL.
5. Thou shall use the ONE TRUE SLASH CHARACTER to separate thy
directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character,
even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is
UNFAMILIAR. Standardization on where that character is located
on a computer keyboard is RIGHT OUT.
6. Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and
AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you.
Giving up in disgust is not allowed.
7. Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward
compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring
opportunities to become compatible with THINGS created in the
latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0.
8. Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that
JD031793.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe three years
ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her
organization. The IRS Auditor shall be IMPRESSED by thy memory as
he stands over you demanding PROOF.
9. Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall
be MIGHTY DIFFICULT. While you're at it, don't try to relocate
branches of the directory tree, either.
10. Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be
thy SAVIOUR on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that EVERYONE
reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn't occur in the
first place.