The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Fri, 3 May 1996 19:57:28 +0100
Hiya Folks... Here's a bit of something from Rob... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ps...Re: the disclaimer - For those who know him, don't all think of Ced at once, it might create a psychic resonance...:-) -- ************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************ ******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>******************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** *** ******************Internet Goddess******************* *********************ANDROMEDA*********************** ------- Forwarded message follows ------- [Disclaimer: It really did say Belgium in the original, I had nothing to do with the wording! R.] The Einstein diaries. (Reproduced here w/o permission from Nexus news) March 7th 1905 Am continuing work on my Special and General Theories of Relativity; also my investigations into the coffee machine at the Patent office. Late for work again today. March 9th 1905 Late again. Why am I always short of time? Perhaps I should travel faster. Must stop using the Northern line. March 10th 1905 This morning, I was thrown out of the Hotel Europa in Zurich for spending all day travelling up and down in the lifts. Will my General Theory never be ready? Also, coffee machines ran out of whitener. Despair! March 11th 1905 Had my photo taken in one of those little booths at Berne Zentral Station today. I was trying a Gedankenexperiment whereby a body can be held in front of a camera, and yet the image bears no resemblance. Alas, I stuck my tongue out at the precise moment of the flash. This is becoming a habit with me now... Great coffee and torte in the buffet. March 17th 1905 Delightful afternoon - friends over for afternoon coffee. Lorentz was late, as usual, whilst Eddington arrived on time, but at the wrong place. To my suprise, Michealson and Morley came exactly on time. Minkowsky, of course, was absolutely late, claiming that it was impossible for him to be absolutely early, and that he'd nearly got trapped in the Absolute Elsewhere, which sounds a bit like Belgium. April 3rd 1905 Progress is slow. The coffee granules always condense on cooling. Bose has suggested that I should stir (or spin) the coffee twice or three times first. May 13th 1905 Incident at the station again today! During my investigations, I discover that when I flash a torch into the driver's eyes, I breach certain local laws. Although I explain that simultaneity is illusory, I still receive a point source impact to my nose. So there must be some physical reality to events. particularly as my nosebleed appears to have found a continuum. In future I shall stick to Gedankenexperiments. April 17th 1905 Late again. Decided to divide everything by 1/(1-v^2/c^2)^(1/2) It looks kind of convincing. I wonder if I can apply the same law to my Patent Office wages? Only if I work faster, I suppose. Or have shorter coffee- breaks. July 28th 1905 Lorentz has made an exciting discovery! He calls it "Lorentz Contraction". Although it is difficult to understand, the essence of it seems to be that from now on, he wishes to be known as Lorenz. July 29th 1905 Disaster! The real Lorenz is now furious with Lorentz for causing name uncertainty. He is worried that people will think that they are the same physicist. I shall call this the Twin Paradox. Von Laue suggested that Lorenz might change his name to Pauli, and then Pauli could drop the "i" from his name, to become Paul. (Note - check this with Dirac). I find that all this adding and subtracting "i"s is a bit complex. July 30th 1905 Pauli's spare "i" accidentally fell on my interval equation today: If X4 = ict then S^2 = Delta(X1^2) + Delta (X2^2) + Delta (X3^2) + Delta (X4^2) Interesting ... September 4th 1905 Decision! Have decided to abandon Coffee Machine Theory. I cannot unify the strong, weak and milky forces. Yet I must publish something soon! What about the E=mc^2 nonsense? That'll keep them guessing for a bit. December 11th 1905 My Relativity Theory is a triumph. Fame at last. Have decided to grow my hair long - this will look great in photographs.