The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 18 Apr 1996 23:00:42 +0100
Hiya all you Loonies...
Here's another one from Alan...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
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**********************ANDROMEDA**********************
------- Forwarded message follows -------
> OVERCROWDED HEAVEN
> _________________________________________________________________
> Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently
> it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first
> one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked
> to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So
> what's your story?"
> So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife
> has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch
> her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell
> something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where
> this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the
> balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing,
> 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating
> on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall
> off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and
> starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that
> for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell
> into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I
> ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge
> where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and
> anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the
> balcony."
> "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man
> in.
> The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being
> full, and again asks for his story.
> "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my
> apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my
> balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because
> I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the
> balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very
> long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for
> sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held
> on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a
> hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but
> again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all
> right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this
> refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly,
> and now I'm here."
> Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty
> horrible death.
> The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole
> process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked
> for his story.
> "Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a
> refrigerator..."