Try this one...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 17 Apr 1996 18:33:52 +0100


Hiya People...

The following is from one of our new friends...Dr Chuck Norris (I kid
you not...) who is an Environmental Chemist...

Thanks Chuck...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA

-- 
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***                                   
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**********************ANDROMEDA**********************

  ------- Forwarded message follows -------



Once upon a time, a male engineer decided to vacation on a cruise
ship in the Caribbean.  It was wonderful...the experience of his
life!  He was waited upon hand an foot.  But,alas, it did not last.
A Hurricane came up suddenly.......and the ship went down.

The man found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an
island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen.  No person, no
supplies, nothing.  The man looked around.  There were some bananas
and coconuts, but that was it.  He was desperate, and forlorn, but
decided to make the best of it. So for the next four months he ate
bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea mightily
for a ship to come to his rescue.

One day, as he was lying on the beech stroking his beard and
looking  for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his
eye.  Could it be true, was it a ship?  No, from around the corner
of the island came this rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman
he had ever seen.....or at least within the past 4 months.  She was
tall and tanned, and her blond hair flowed in the sea breeze, giving
her an almost ethereal quality.  She spotted him also (since he was
waving and yelling and screaming to get her attention).  She rowed
her boat towards him.

In disbelief, he asked, "Where did you come from?  How did you get
here"?

She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island.  I landed
on this island when my cruise ship sank"

"Amazing", he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived.  How
many of you are there?  Where, did you get the rowboat?  You must
have been really lucky to have a rowboat wash-up with you?"

"It is only me", she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up,
nothing else did."

"Well then", said the man, "how did you get the rowboat?"

"I made the rowboat out of raw material that I found on the
island," replied  the woman.  "The oars were whittled from
Gum tree branches,  I wove the bottom from Palm branches, and
the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree".

"But, but.....," stuttered the man, "what about tools and hardware,
how did you do that?"

"Oh, no problem," replied the woman, "on the south side of the
island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed.
I found that If I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln,
it melted into forgeable ductile iron.  I used that for tools,
then used the tools to make the hardware.  But, enough of that,"
she said,  "where do you live?"

At last the man was forced to confess that he had been
sleeping on the beach. "Well, let's row over to my place, she
said."  So they got into the rowboat and left for her side of
island.

The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the
approach to her place.  She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully
woven hemp rope. They walked up a stone walk and around a Palm
tree, and there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

"It's not much," she said, "but I call it home.  Sit down, please.
Would you like a drink?"

"No thanks," said  the man, "one more coconut juice and I will puke."

"It won't be coconut juice, the woman replied. "I have a still; how
about a Pina Colada?"  Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man
accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.

After a while, and they had exchanged their stories, the woman
asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?"

"No", the man replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life, and
even on the cruise ship".

"Well if you would like to shave, there's a man's razor upstairs
in the cabinet in the bathroom." The man, no longer
questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom. In
the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle, two shells honed
to a hollow-ground edge fastened to its end inside of a
swivel mechanism.  The man shaved, showered and went back down
stairs..

"You look great," said the woman, "I think I'll go up and slip
into something more comfortable."

The man settled in to wait, continuing to sip his Pina Colada.  After
a short time,  the woman returned wearing strategically positioned
fig leaves and smelling faintly of gardenia.

"Tell me something," she said, "We have both been out here for a
very long time with no companionship.  You know what I mean.  Have
you been lonely? Is there anything that you really miss?  Something
that all men and woman need? Something that it would be really nice
to have right now?"

"Yes there is," the man replied, moving closer to the woman
while fixing her with a long, intense gaze.  "Tell me ... Do you
happen to have an Internet connection, too?"