ajc6@ukc.ac.uk
Mon, 09 Oct 95 16:12:56 bst
> or many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that
> very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function.
>
> I have solved the mystery.
>
> The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that
> the rest of it is comments.
>
> Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as
> follows:
>
> ===
>
> /* HUMAN_DNA.H
> *
> * Human Genome
> * Version 2.1
> *
> * (C) God
> */
>
> /* Revision history:
> *
> * 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam.
> * 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve.
> * 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy --
> * will require a rewrite later on to make it neater.
> * 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from
> * elephant-dna.c
> * 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail.
> * 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case.
> * 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine.
> * 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour made
> * darker to match my own image.
> * 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth.
> * Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate.
> * 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height.
> * 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high population
> * density, to try and slow the overpopulation
> * problem.
> * 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of
> * CD.
> */
>
> /* Standard definitions
> */
>
> #define SEX male
> #define HEIGHT 1.84
> #define MASS 68
> #define RACE caucasian
>
> /* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
> *
> * Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper
> * inheritance features.
> */
>
> #include "mother.h"
> #include "father.h"
>
> #ifndef FATHER
> #warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")
> #include "bastard.h"
> #endif
>
> /* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
> */
> #include
>
> /* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper
> * library sometime soon.
> */
> struct genitals
> {
> #ifdef MALE
> Penis *jt;
> #endif
> /* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */
> #ifdef FEMALE
> Vagina *p;
> #endif
> }
>
> /* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA duplication.
> * Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers
> */
> DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);
>
> /* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE
> *
> * Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the organism
> * to display at birth.
> *
> * Will be improved later to make output less ugly.
> */
> Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);
>
> ===
>
> ....and so on.
>
> * Note that God uses three-space tabs
>
>
>
> And the credit goes to...
> Taylor Scott Gautier -- tsgautier@ucdavis.edu
>
>