ajc6@ukc.ac.uk
Mon, 09 Oct 95 15:55:16 bst
> > > Q: Why did David Koresh serve wine at the Branch Davidian Last > Supper? > A: He wanted to toast his followers. > > Q: What is David Koresh's worst sexual nightmare? > A: Great balls of fire. > > Q: What was the most popular name for Branch Davidian children? > A: Ashley. > > Q: Did you hear that the Branch Davidian Church has split into two > sects? > A: Orthodox and Extra-Crispy. > > Q: What do Burger King and the Branch Davidians have in common? > A: Flame-broiling. > > Q: Why don't we have more prophets like David Koresh? > A: It's such a high stress job that burnout is almost inevitable. > > Q: How is the Branch Davidian compound like a Snickers bar? > A: Roasted nuts inside. > > Q: Did you hear about the tragedy at Waco? > A: Evidently the explosion was actually staged by NBC News crew > > Q: Did you hear who finally stopped smoking? > A: David Koresh. > > Q: How do you pick up a Davidian girl? > A: With a Dust-Buster. > > Q: What do you call a Branch Davidian with a fire extinguisher? > A: A heretic. > > NBC found a sponsor for the David Koresh mini-series: > Weber Barbecues, Inc. > > Q: What Does WACO stand for? > A: 1. We Ain't Comin' Out > 2. We All Cremated Ourselves > 3. When Attacked, CookOut! > 4. We're A Combustible Organization > > Q: What's the most popular gourmet dish in Waco these days? > A: Blackened baby back-ribs. > > Q: What are they going to call the TV Miniseries about David > Koresh? > A: "A Match Made in Heaven" > > Q: What kind of pants do Branch Davidian's wear? > A: Charred-Ash Jeans > > Q: What were David Koresh's last words? > A: "No, Bud Light!" > > Q: What is Koresh wearing right now? > A: His best Sunday soot. > > Q: What else? > A: Charcoal slacks. > > Q: What else? > A: A smoking jacket. > > > Q: Which Simpsons character is most like David Koresh? > A: Mr. Burns > > Q: Why didn't Koresh surrender to the FBI? > A: He didn't want to be grilled by authorities. > > Q: Why did David Koresh have so many wives? > A: He thought they'd make excellent matches. > > Q: What kind of tree does a Branch Davidian come from? > A: Ash. > > Q: Did you hear David Koresh has changed his name again? > A: To "Bernie." > > Q: Why did David Koresh's children study the Bible so carefully? > A: They knew sooner or later their father would grill them on it. > > Q: When did the Branch Davidians know they were in trouble? > A: When David Koresh said, "Well, the bad news is that we drank all > the Kool-Aid ..." > A: When David Koresh started praying to "The Father, Son and Holy > Roast." > > Q: When did David Koresh's wives know they were in trouble? > A: When he started referring to them as "Pop-Tarts." > > Q: Why is the new Branch Davidian soap faring so poorly on the > market? > A: Consumers are complaining about the fact that you have to break > seven seals to get at it, and once you use it, you have a > burning sensation all over your body. > > Q: Why didn't David Koresh graduate from high school? > A: He never got past kindlingarten. > > Q: What do Malcolm X and David Koresh have in common? > A: They're both dead and they're both black. > > Q: What's David Koresh's favorite breakfast cereal? > A: Post Toasties. > Q: Did you hear that Waco officially changed its name? > A: To Corpus Crispy. > > Q: How do you know your date is a Branch Davidian? > A: When he/she gets too hot to handle. > > > FRANKENSTEIN vs. DRACULA: THE JEFFREY DAHMER > VARIATIONS > > Q: What would David Koresh's cult have been called if Jeffrey > Dahmer was in charge? > A: The Brunch Davidians > > Q: Why did Jeffrey Dahmer go to Waco? > A: He heard they were having a enormous barbecue. > > Q: What was Jeffrey Dahmer carrying when the authorities caught > him trying to get into the Branch Davidian compound? > A: A-1 Steak Sauce. > > Q: Why was Jeffrey Dahmer so depressed when he left Waco? > A: He always orders medium-rare. > > > MUSICAL QUESTIONS > > Q: What's David Koresh's favorite Doors song? > A: Light My Fire. > > Q: What's David Koresh's favorite Talking Heads song? > A: Burning Down the House. > > Q: What's David Koresh's favorite Billy Joel song? > A: We Didn't Start the Fire. > > Q: What's David Koresh's favorite show tune? > A: Smoke Gets In Your Eyes. > > Q: What's David Koresh's favorite David Bowie song? > A: Ashes to Ashes. > > > You know, as it turns out, David Koresh needed this entire Waco thing > like he needed a hole in the head . . . . > > > >