Funny Chain Letter (No Batteries Required)

dw13@ukc.ac.uk
Thu, 20 Jul 95 19:33:57 BST


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Self explanatory:
> >                                WHY ASK WHY
> >
> >
> > Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't
> > drink and drive?
> >
> > Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
> >
> > Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
> >
> > Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of
> > parachutes?
> >
> > Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is
> > prohibited there?
> >
> > Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
> >
> > Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
> >
> > Who is supposed to read the "Seeing eye dogs only" sign at the
> > post office - the blind person or the dog?
> >
> > How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the
> > mornings?
> >
> > If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there
> > locks on the doors?
> >
> > If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
> >
> > If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick
> > to the pan?
> >
> > If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it
> > from a height, what would happen?
> >
> > If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens
> > when you turn on the headlights?
> >
> > You know how most packages say "Open here".  What is the protocol
> > if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
> >
> > Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
> >
> > Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
> >
> > Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a
> > shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called
> > cargo?
> >
> > You know that little indestructible black box that is used on
> > planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same
> > substance?
> >
> > Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address,
> > you turn down the volume on the radio?
> >
> > Did you know who in 1923 was:
> >
> > 1.  President of the largest steel company?
> > 2.  President of the largest gas company?
> > 3.  President of the New York Stock Exchange?
> > 4.  Greatest wheat speculator?
> > 5.  President of the Bank of International Settlement?
> > 6.  Great Bear of Wall Street?
> >
> > These men should have been considered some of the world's most
> > successful men.  At least they found the secret of making money.
> > Now more than 55 years later, do you know what has become of
> > these men?
> >
> > 1.   The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab,
> >      died a pauper.
> >
> > 2.   The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is
> >      insane.
> >
> > 3.   The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released
> >      from prison to die at home.
> >
> > 4.   The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad,
> >      penniless.
> >
> > 5.   The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot
> >      himself.
> >
> > 6.   The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of
> >      suicide.
> >
> > The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf
> > championship, Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA
> > Tournaments.  Today he is still playing golf and is solvent.
> >
> > CONCLUSION:  STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF!
> >
> > This letter originated in The Netherlands, has been passed around
> > the world at least 20 times, bringing good luck to everyone who
> > passed it on.  The one who breaks the chain will have bad luck.
> >
> > Do not keep this letter.  Do not send money.  Just have your
> > wonderful, efficient cpu make five additional copies and send it
> > to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck.  You will see
> > that something good happens to you four days from now if the
> > chain is not broken.  This is not a joke.  You will receive good
> > luck in four days.
:)