The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com)
Mon, 14 Apr 03 03:36:37 +0100
Hiya People... >From time to time, we hear of a new and exciting computer programme - today we have a Q and A about the latest for the dog show fraternity... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ******* THE LOONY BIN **** loonies@bloodaxe.com ******* Archive: http://www.theloonies.co.uk/ *********** ANDROMEDA **** Internet Goddess *********** ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Showdog 1.0 Computer Programme Recently I purchased and installed Showdog 1.0. I soon noticed that this program appears to have numerous glitches. For instance, every time my computer boots up, I have to run Food 5.3 and Water 7.1. Many times I've been in the middle of writing an important document, and a window will flash telling me to run Grooming and Conditioning 2.0. This program also contained applications I did not wish to install, such as Poop Scoop 8.5, however they auto-installed with Showdog 1.0. Applications such as Vacation 2.7 and Free Time 10.1 can no longer run, crashing whenever selected. Possibly the worst is that Showdog 1.0 has attached itself to programs like Finance Manager and MS Money, with folders added such as "Pro Handler" and "Entry Fees". Periodically, I'll get a reminder telling me to send a cheque to the manufacturer of Showdog 1.0 for the aforementioned items. I have tried to uninstall Showdog 1.0 numerous times, but when I try to run the uninstall program, I get warning messages telling me that a deadly virus known as "Withdrawal" will infect my system. Please Help!!!!! THE REPLY: Dear User, Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among users is that Showdog 1.0 is a mere "utilities and entertainment program." It is not! It is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its' creator to run everything! A warning will soon be imprinted on the box. Since you have already installed Showdog 1.0, here are a few tips on how to make it run better. If you are annoyed by the applications Food 5.3 and Water 7.1, you may run C:\HIRE HELP, however this will cause another folder to be added to financial applications, labelled "Staff". Failure to send payment to "Staff" will result in Food 5.3 and Water 7.1 being run again on startup. A note of caution: NOT booting up your computer for several days isn't the solution to avoiding Food 5.3 and Water 7.1. You will find that, when you boot up your computer again, a nasty virus called "PETA 4.2" will have attached itself to important documents and the only way to rid your computer of PETA 4.2 is by purchasing and installing "Vet 10.1", which we admit is extremely expensive, but crucial. Otherwise, PETA 4.2 will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Finally, it is important that you run C:\Squeaky Toys, C:\Belly Rubs and C:\Walkies on a fairly regular basis to keep the application running smoothly. If you have any more questions, please call our toll free number. Sincerely, Tech Support Please include this information if you forward this joke: ******************************************************* This joke and others like it, can be found in: The Loony Bin http://www.theloonies.co.uk/ ******************************************************* To UNSUBSCRIBE or SUBSCRIBE email: loonies@bloodaxe.com Subject: 'unsubscribe' or 'subscribe'