The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Sat, 24 Aug 02 00:41:28 -2300
Hiya Loonies...
It's time to meet some of the lesser-known Gods And Demi-Gods of
Greece...this was sent in by John...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
******* THE LOONY BIN **** loonies@bloodaxe.com *******
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*********** ANDROMEDA **** Internet Goddess ***********
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
The Lesser-Known Gods And Demi-Gods Of Greece
_..._ Listed below is a selected list of many
.~ `~. of the lesser-known gods and demi-gods
,_ / } of Greece that have apparently been
,_\'--, \ _.'`~~/ ignored or forgotten by historians for
\'--,_`{_,} -( various and sundry reasons. Some of
'.`-.`\;--,___.'_ these gods were obviously important and
'._`/ |_ _{@} useful in everyday life habits, others
/ ` |-';/ _ apparently had no
/ \ / | _ {@}_ redeeming value what-
/ '--;_ _ {@} _Y{@} soever, but somehow
_\ `\ {@}\Y/_{@} Y/ achieved god-
/ |`-.___. / \Y/\|{@}Y/\|// or goddesshood.
^^`--`------'`--`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This list is presented here in the hopes that it will
prove helpful to someone somewhere, sometime.
Egregious - God of Errors.
Though he spent virtually all his life with the other gods and
goddesses on Mount Olympus, he is rumored to have left for a short
vacation to the south of France where he met and had an affair with
the French goddess, Faux Pas. Egregious was one of the smartest gods
on Mount Olympus. In fact, many thought he might be as smart as
Zeus, though no one would ever admit this publicly. However, his
unfortunate habit of making so many mistakes kept him from becoming
one of the better-known gods. When asked how someone so smart could
make so many stupid mistakes, his reply was always "You learn from
your mistakes. Obviously, I've made so MANY mistakes, I've become a
genius!"
Melanoma - God of Tanning.
Often seen away from Mount Olympus and down along the sandy beaches
of southern Greece, Melanoma could have been ranked up there with
the other major gods of his time. He was strong, handsome, and had a
body that attracted all the goddesses. His only major fault was
getting involved with the mortal Macedonian strip queen, Ultra
Violet. The two of them constantly played naked in the sun along the
Greek shoreline. Zeus, upon seeing Melanoma cavorting with a non-
Olympian, decided to punish him by taking away his immortality. This
didn't seem to bother Melanoma at first and he continued to
associate with Ultra Violet and played in the buff each day. Soon
though, Melanoma started to notice small dark patches on his skin
that eventually became cancerous. He died a quick, but horrible,
death with Ultra Violet at his side till the very end.
Ozone - God of Memory.
Ozone was another failed god. Upon attaining godhood, Zeus asked
Ozone to choose the subject for which he would be revered for all
time. He chose Memory. To celebrate his attaining full godliness,
Ozone married his school sweetheart, Amnesia. However, their foggy
relationship soon resulted in the complete loss of all the records
of all the great gods on Mount Olympus. Zeus retaliated by
immediately expelling Ozone to Southern California, where he was
held prisoner in the dreaded "Inversion Layer" along with the evil
nether-world dragon-god of progress and technology, Smog.
Pancreas - Demi-god of Dessert.
Father of the sugar gods, Arabinose, Fructose, and Glucose. Pancreas
was a short-lived god who spent most of his time on coffee breaks
eating donuts. His marriage to Diabetes was no help to him at all
and he died soon after they had their three sons.
Peristalsis - God of Bowel Movements.
_______ Revered for his strength and perseverance,
| .---.^| ___ Peristalsis occupied a special place in the
|( )| (__() bathrooms of old Greece. Figurines in his
'-:---:-' )--) likeness stood next to or near the place of
((___)) (--( anal evacuation. A special prayer to
)---( Peristalsis often accompanied a trip to the
/_____\ bathroom in some of the better bathrooms of
high-society Greeks.
Uvula - Goddess of Swallowing.
Uvula was an often unappreciated goddess who spent most of her time
at the back of the room of all the other gods and goddesses on Mount
Olympus. Only when she cleared her throat did anyone bother to pay
any attention to her. She originally came from Rome and was accepted
into the Greek goddess system, but only because of the promise she
showed. She was reported to spend some time with the god Fellatio (a
part-Italian god) who promised to show her something she could do
that would make her one of the most revered goddesses of all of
Mount Olympus (at least by the gods there). They were to meet one
hot and steamy night under an olive tree where Fellatio would show
her what she could do. Unfortunately, Fellatio never came.
Zirconia - Goddess of Costume Jewelry.
Often in direct competition with the goddesses Titanium and
Platinum, Zirconia was pretty much always relegated to being allowed
only to attend the lesser parties on Mount Olympus at which the
great gods and goddesses were rarely present. As a result, Zirconia
was subsequently ignored by most historians and now only shows up on
the backs of magazines for really cheap prices.
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