Lesser Gods...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Sat, 24 Aug 02 00:41:28 -2300

Hiya Loonies...

It's time to meet some of the lesser-known Gods And Demi-Gods of
Greece...this was sent in by John...

Wishes & Dreams...


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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

The Lesser-Known Gods And Demi-Gods Of Greece

                _..._    Listed below is a selected list of many
              .~      `~.  of the lesser-known gods and demi-gods
      ,_     /          }  of Greece that have apparently been
     ,_\'--, \   _.'`~~/   ignored or forgotten by historians for
      \'--,_`{_,}    -(    various and sundry reasons. Some of
       '.`-.`\;--,___.'_   these gods were obviously important and
          '._`/    |_ _{@}  useful in everyday life habits, others
            /  ` |-';/            _      apparently had no
           /   \    /  |      _   {@}_    redeeming value what-
          /     '--;_        _ {@}  _Y{@}   soever, but somehow
         _\          `\     {@}\Y/_{@} Y/       achieved god-
        / |`-.___.    /     \Y/\|{@}Y/\|//      or goddesshood.
       This list is presented here in the hopes that it will
       prove helpful to someone somewhere, sometime.

Egregious - God of Errors.
    Though he spent virtually all his life with the other gods and 
    goddesses on Mount Olympus, he is rumored to have left for a short 
    vacation to the south of France where he met and had an affair with 
    the French goddess, Faux Pas. Egregious was one of the smartest gods 
    on Mount Olympus. In fact, many thought he might be as smart as 
    Zeus, though no one would ever admit this publicly. However, his 
    unfortunate habit of making so many mistakes kept him from becoming 
    one of the better-known gods. When asked how someone so smart could 
    make so many stupid mistakes, his reply was always "You learn from 
    your mistakes. Obviously, I've made so MANY mistakes, I've become a 

Melanoma - God of Tanning.
    Often seen away from Mount Olympus and down along the sandy beaches 
    of southern Greece, Melanoma could have been ranked up there with 
    the other major gods of his time. He was strong, handsome, and had a 
    body that attracted all the goddesses. His only major fault was 
    getting involved with the mortal Macedonian strip queen, Ultra 
    Violet. The two of them constantly played naked in the sun along the 
    Greek shoreline. Zeus, upon seeing Melanoma cavorting with a non-
    Olympian, decided to punish him by taking away his immortality. This 
    didn't seem to bother Melanoma at first and he continued to 
    associate with Ultra Violet and played in the buff each day. Soon 
    though, Melanoma started to notice small dark patches on his skin 
    that eventually became cancerous. He died a quick, but horrible, 
    death with Ultra Violet at his side till the very end.

Ozone - God of Memory.
    Ozone was another failed god. Upon attaining godhood, Zeus asked 
    Ozone to choose the subject for which he would be revered for all  
    time. He chose Memory. To celebrate his attaining full godliness, 
    Ozone married his school sweetheart, Amnesia. However, their foggy 
    relationship soon resulted in the complete loss of all the records 
    of all the great gods on Mount Olympus. Zeus retaliated by 
    immediately expelling Ozone to Southern California, where he was 
    held prisoner in the dreaded "Inversion Layer" along with the evil 
    nether-world dragon-god of progress and technology, Smog.

Pancreas - Demi-god of Dessert.
    Father of the sugar gods, Arabinose, Fructose, and Glucose. Pancreas 
    was a short-lived god who spent most of his time on coffee breaks 
    eating donuts. His marriage to Diabetes was no help to him at all 
    and he died soon after they had their three sons.

Peristalsis - God of Bowel Movements.
     _______          Revered for his strength and perseverance,
    | .---.^|  ___    Peristalsis occupied a special place in the
    |(     )| (__()   bathrooms of old Greece. Figurines in his
    '-:---:-'  )--)   likeness stood next to or near the place of
     ((___))  (--(    anal evacuation. A special prayer to
      )---(           Peristalsis often accompanied a trip to the
     /_____\          bathroom in some of the better bathrooms of
                      high-society Greeks.

Uvula - Goddess of Swallowing.
    Uvula was an often unappreciated goddess who spent most of her time 
    at the back of the room of all the other gods and goddesses on Mount 
    Olympus. Only when she cleared her throat did anyone bother to pay 
    any attention to her. She originally came from Rome and was accepted 
    into the Greek goddess system, but only because of the promise she 
    showed. She was reported to spend some time with the god Fellatio (a 
    part-Italian god) who promised to show her something she could do 
    that would make her one of the most revered goddesses of all of 
    Mount Olympus (at least by the gods there). They were to meet one 
    hot and steamy night under an olive tree where Fellatio would show 
    her what she could do. Unfortunately, Fellatio never came.

Zirconia - Goddess of Costume Jewelry.
    Often in direct competition with the goddesses Titanium and 
    Platinum, Zirconia was pretty much always relegated to being allowed 
    only to attend the lesser parties on Mount Olympus at which the 
    great gods and goddesses were rarely present. As a result, Zirconia 
    was subsequently ignored by most historians and now only shows up on 
    the backs of magazines for really cheap prices.

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