Cutting Costs...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Fri, 12 Oct 01 02:59:40 +0100


Hiya People...

This time we find out what a company is doing to further its cost-
cutting plans...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********

         Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/

************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


**Cost Cutting **
=================

DUE TO THE CURRENT FINANCIAL STATUS OF THE COMPANY ALL EMPLOYEES ARE
ENCOURAGED TO ADOPT THE FOLLOWING COST CUTTING MEASURES

Lodging

All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while on
business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should
be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and
office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.

Transportation

Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial
transport. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees
prior to their departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be
used only when work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will
be authorized in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be
used. For example, if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower
fare can be obtained by travelling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit
will be substituted for travel to Seattle.

Meals

Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It should
be noted that certain grocery and speciality chains, such as Hickory
Farms, General Nutrition centers, Costco, Sams stores etc. often provide
free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this
manner. Travellers should also be familiar with indigenous roots,
berries, and other protein sources available at their destinations. If
restaurants must be utilized, travellers should use "all you can eat"
salad bars. This is especially effective for employees travelling
together as one plate can be used to feed the entire group. Employees
are also encouraged to bring their own food on business travel. Cans of
tuna fish, Spam, and Beefaroni can be consumed at your leisure without
the necessary bother of heating or costly preparation.

Miscellaneous

All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in effort
to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has already
suggested that money could be raised during airport layover periods
which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea,
red caps will be issued to all employees prior to their departure so
that they may earn tips by helping others with their luggage. Small
plastic roses and ball point pens will also be available to employees so
that sales may be made as time permits.


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