The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Tue, 19 Sep 2000 03:44:24 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
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Here's another Darwin Award...this one's for adults only, as long as
you're not faint-hearted...!!!
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Here's a late entry for the Darwin Awards - an award generally given out
posthumously for the most stupid way to die - if there is such a thing:
A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was looking to score
big with his date on a Friday night. Determined to put the girl in the
mood, he drove her up to a spot on Mount Lemmon that overlooked the city
of Tucson. They walked to an open knoll where they could see the city
lights.
Overcome by the romantic locale, she succumbed to his pleas and they
stripped down, made a bed of their clothes, and passionately began
making love.
The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead and the low rumble of thunder
inside them excited the lovers even more. At the first few flashes of
lightning, they never looked up to see the charred remains of once great
trees. Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity during
the warm desert nights. With a blinding light, a bolt of lightning
struck the high point on the knoll, which happened to be the pre-med
student's ass, and sought the path of least resistance - straight down!
Incredibly, he survived, but was in excruciating pain. The heat of the
lightning had fused together flesh and latex so that the lovers were now
stuck together like a pair of dogs. The girl, unfortunately, did NOT
survive the lightning strike. When the student looked down into the
vacant eyes of his girlfriend and realised she was dead; his immediate
repulsion caused him to jerk away from her, which of course, he
couldn't!
A wave of pain and nausea made him vomit into the girl's face and open
mouth! Heaving only caused more pain and repeated vomiting until he
finally passed out.
Attracted by the smell of "food," a bear found its way to the Siamese
lovers and began to lick semi-digested pizza and buffalo wings from the
dead girl's face.
The student came to, but when he saw the bear, there was little he could
do but lay there silently in fear. To his horror, the bear became
dissatisfied with just a lick and started to eat the girl, loudly
crunching her facial bones only inches from his ear. The bear also
tasted the student, scraping the back of his skull with its teeth,
before moving on.
Around mid-morning a group of junior girl scouts, up for a fun weekend
camp-out, arrived at the campsite where the pre-med student's car was
parked. It was only a matter of minutes before three screaming girls
discovered the student, who had regained consciousness several times in
the night and had managed to drag himself and the partially-eaten girl
about 20-feet.
Doctors managed to "successfully" separate the student from the corpse,
but Mr. Happy looked like a small piece of cauliflower in its flaccid
state. The first hint of arousal resulted in so much pain, that the
student was unable - and unwilling - to achieve an erection.
Future surgeries may produce a reasonably functioning penis, but the
student's family jewels, referred to by the doctors as the "scrotum
mass", are irreparable.
Although most Darwin Awards are supposed to be won posthumously, we
think this guy deserves consideration since he successfully removed
himself from the gene pool.
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