The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Tue, 16 May 2000 00:07:36 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ Hiya Loonies... Here's another list for you to look at: What are people saying about the Daily Mind Picker? "It's kinda like when you're forced to sit next to the homeless guy on the train, Scary but funny and interesting." Best of all there's no smell of urine!!!!! Jokes, trivia, games, historical facts and the ramblings of an ordinary man. Send an e-mail to: dailypicker-subscribe@listbot.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For all of you who own dogs...these are the rules your dog should be following... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com********* *** *** *** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ *** *** *** ************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- DOG RULES, SIMPLIFIED FOR HUMANS Visitors: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern. Barking: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark - a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night hearing your protective bark, bark, bark... Licking: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel. Holes: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem. Doors: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep. The Art Of Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty as the family dog to accommodate them. Dining Etiquette: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing. Housebreaking: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible. Going For Walks: Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn. Couches: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed. Playing: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, aim for the flowerbed to absorb your fall, so you don't injure yourself. Chasing Cats: When chasing cats, make sure you never - quite - catch them. It spoils all the fun. Chewing: Make a contribution to the fashion industry... eat a shoe. Please include this information if you forward this joke: ********************************************************* This joke and others like it, can be found in: The Loony Bin http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ********************************************************* Get PAID to surf the Web! http://alladvantage.com/go.asp?refid=BFN610 ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com