The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Mon, 05 Jun 2000 15:45:40 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya People...
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Want more humour?
Don't forget that you can read everything that has ever
been sent on this list by going to:
The Loony Bin Archives
http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
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Let's explore the importance of the right divorce...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
THE EX-FACTOR
I've never really asked a woman to marry me before, but I have asked one
for a divorce.
The situation was thus. It was when I was doing stand-up comedy. I'd
convinced my friend, Stephanie, to try her hand at stand-up. She liked
it and we ended up going to a number of open mike nights together. She
as rather attractive and since we were so-often seen together, the
subject of whether or not we were dating tended to come up in
conversations with other guys. The answer... "no, we're just friends."
Around this time I was about to turn 21 and was planning the ritual
pilgrimage to Las Vegas. So I decided to invite her along.
The plan was thus. We'd go, do some gambling, have some fun, and have a
brief wedding before we left town. Then we'd head down to Mexico and
get a quickie divorce. That way when we'd go to clubs and the other guys
would ask "hey, is that your girlfriend", I wouldn't have to hang my
head and say "no, we're just friends". Instead I could honestly say,
"no, she's my ex-wife and I'd rather not talk about it."
And why all this rigmarole, you ask. When guys asked if she was my
girlfriend and I said "no, we're just friends," they'd get this look...
like instead I'd just said "no, I have a bear trap clamped on my
testicles." I hadn't even realized what a painful situation I was in
until I saw it reflected in their faces.
So I asked Stephanie to divorce me. But she was resistant. I told her I
could make it a good deal for her. She didn't have a boyfriend at the
time and she was in the market. All I would have had to do was cite a
certain reason for the divorce... "she kept insisting we have a
threesome with some topless dancer she knew, but it went against my
moral upbringing". She would have been the most popular girl in every
club we hit. Guaranteed.
Amazingly enough, even after that, she still wouldn't consent to be my
ex-wife. Eventually, though, it dawned on me what a mistake it would
have been if she'd said yes. I wanted to get divorced for all the wrong
reasons.
I've learned about myself since then. I don't want a meaningless
quickie. I want the fairy-tale, the whole enchilada. I want to have a
long estrangement, and then a big court divorce like I've dreamed of
ever since I was a little boy.
So I'd like to thank Stephanie for turning me down. If I'm lucky, I'm
only going to get divorced once and I've realized I shouldn't get
divorced for the hell of it. No, when I get divorced, I'm going to
divorce for spite or not at all.
Copyright 1996 - Greg Bulmash - fastfoodguy@hotmail.com
Wait... GREG BULMASH? That's the guy on that fast food job application
my friend e-mailed me! He's real?
Yes, he's real, works as a writer, the application was a joke, and you
can get the full story on it at...
http://www.imdb.com/Columns/Pulpit/Archive/p19990315.html
Please include this information if you forward this joke:
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