British News...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Tue, 14 Dec 1999 04:44:00 +0000


Hiya All...

Here are some news stories that have been seen in various publications
around the UK...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

British News Bits
 
>From the Churchdown Parish Magazine:
'Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the
Church labelled "For The Sick", is for monetary donations only.'
 
>From The Guardian concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in
Christchurch, New Zealand: 
'Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office
return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.'
 
>From The Times:
'A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth,
was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast-guard spokesman
commented, "This sort of thing is all too common these days."
 
>From The Gloucester Citizen:
'A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialling an
0891 number from an advertisement entitled "Hear Me Moan" the caller was
played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs
around the house. Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the
complaint, saying, "He got what he deserved."
 
>From The Daily Telegraph in a piece headed "Brussels Pays 200,000 Pounds
to Save Prostitutes":
"... the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket,
but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life.  We will be
training them for new positions in hotels."
 
>From The Derby Abbey Community News:
"We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that
'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a
typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective
in the Police Farce."


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