The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 8 Apr 1999 03:38:22 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya Folks...
Here's an Hippocratic Oath for Software Engineers...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Hippocratic Oath For Software Engineers
Never write a line of code that someone else can understand.
Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long counter-
intuitive names. Don't ever code "a=b", rather do something like:
AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));
Type fast, think slow.
Never use direct references to anything ever. Bury everything in macros.
Bury the macros in include files. Reference those include files
indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference those
include files.
Never include a comment that will help someone else understand your
code. If they understand it, they don't need you.
Never generate new sources. Always ifdef the old ones. Every binary in
the world should be generated from the same sources.
Never archive all the sources necessary to build a binary. Always hide
on your own disk. If they can build your binary, they don't need you.
Never code a function to return a value. All functions must return a
pointer to a structure which contains a pointer to a value.
Never discuss things in concrete terms. Always speak in abstract. If
they can understand you, they don't need you.
Never complete a project on time. If you do, they will think it was easy
and anyone can do it and they don't need you.
When someone stops by your office to ask a question, talk forever but
don't answer the question. If they get their questions answered they
don't need you.
Load all sentences either written or spoken with alphabet soup. When
someone asks you out to lunch, reply:
"I can't because I've almost got my RISC-based OSI/TCP/IP client
connected by BIBUS VMS VAX using SMTP over TCP sending SNMP inquiry
results to be encapsulated in UDP packets for transmission to a SUN
4/280 NFS 4.3 BSD with release 3.6 of RPC/XDR supporting our ONC
effort working."
Never clean your office. Absolutely never throw away an old listing.
Never say hello to someone in hallway. Absolutely never address someone
by name. If you must address someone by name, mumble or use the wrong
name. Always maintain the mystique of being spaced out from
concentrating on complex logic.
Never wear a shirt that matches your pants. Wear a wrinkled shirt
whenever possible. Your shirt must never be tucked in completely. Button
the top button without wearing a tie. This will maximize your mystique.
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