The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Mon, 15 Mar 1999 04:43:50 +0000
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya Loonies...
Let's take a look at the sexual habits of the computer professional...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
The world in general likes to believe that the insular computer boffin
does not know the meaning of love-making. Of course this is not true.
Most IT specialists have healthy and rewarding sex lives - often with
other humans - which keep them bright and smiling as they tap away at
the keyboard and chuckle at the fading Dilbert cartoon stuck to their
monitor. And the true professional always behaves faithfully to his
chosen development environment - even in the bedroom...
Pascal
You make love to your girlfriend. You are obliged to always use the
missionary position, and no variations are allowed.
BASIC
You waggle your penis ineffectually at your girlfriend.
Visual BASIC
You get a tattoo on your penis, then waggle it ineffectually at your
girlfriend.
C++
Both your girlfriend and her cousin use the same method of love-making
with you. Unfortunately, they both inherited it from their father, and
you painfully waddle home sporting an anus like the Japanese flag.
COBOL
IF SLAPPED_FACE
NEXT SENTENCE
ELSE
PERFORM A_FONDLE_BREASTS
THRU
B_APOLOGISE_FOR_MESS
VARYING W_GRIMACE
UNTIL W_TESTICLES_EMPTY = TRUE.
SQL
You make love to your girlfriend, but it takes hours, and everyone in
the street has to wait until you've finished before they can make love
to their partners. When you've finished, you tell your girlfriend that
you're not committed to her, and she pretends you never made love in the
first place.
Assembly language
You spend weeks with a propelling pencil and some graph paper planning
exactly how you're going to make love to your girlfriend, but when the
moment comes you end up enthusiastically buggering the cat. Afterwards
you pretend that you wanted to do that anyway.
Unix
You want to make love to your girlfriend the really clever way you did
it yesterday, but you've forgotten it.
NT
Someone else regularly makes ActiveLove(tm) to your girlfriend without
asking you, and you can never catch the fucker at it and don't know how
to make them stop.
Microsoft Word '97
You proudly unveil your erection in the bedroom. Your girlfriend winks
at you and says "It looks like you're going to have a wee. Would you
like some help with weeing?".
C
Every time you make love to your partner, your penis points in a
different direction. You don't notice until eventually it points
straight up your own arse.
Java
You learn a technique which is supposed to bring any girl to orgasm, but
it only works with your landlady.
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