The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Tue, 3 Nov 1998 15:42:33 +0000
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ Hiya Folks... More questions and answers on the Internet... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ******************************************************* ******************************************************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.com *** *** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- THE INTERNET Q. Aside from chatting, what else can I do on the Internet? A. You can join one of the thousands of forums wherein people, by posting messages, discuss political topics of the day. Q. Like what? A. Barry Manilow. Q. There's a forum for Barry Manilow? A. There's a forum for everything. Q. What happens on these forums? A. Well, on the Barry Manilow forum, for example, fans post messages about how much they love Barry Manilow, and other fans respond by posting messages about how much they love Barry Manilow, too. And then sometimes the forum is invaded by people posting messages about how much they hate Barry Manilow, which in turn leads to angry counter messages and vicious name-calling that can go on for months. Q. Just like junior high school! A. But even more pointless. Q. Are there forums about sex? A. Zillions of them. Q. What do people talk about on those? A. Barry Manilow. Q. No, really. A. OK, they talk about sex, but it is not all titillating. Often you'll find highly scientific discussions that expand the frontiers of human understanding. Q. It is a beautiful thing, the Internet. A. It is. Q. What is the "World Wide Web"? A. The World Wide Web is the multimedia version of the Internet, where you can get not only text but also pictures and sounds on a semifinalist range of topics. This information is stored on "Web pages," which are maintained by companies, institutions, and individuals. Using special software, you can navigate to these pages and read, look at, or listen to all kinds of cool stuff. Q. Wow! How can I get on the Web? A. It's easy! Suppose you're interested in buying a boat from an Australian company that has a Web page featuring pictures and specifications of its various models. All you have to do is fire up your World Wide Web software and type in the company's Web page address, which will probably be an intuitive, easy-to- remember string of characters like this: http://wwwfweemer-twirple.com/heppledork/sockitomesockitome /fee.fle/fo/fum.html Q. What if I type one single character wrong? A. You will launch U.S. nuclear missiles against Norway. Q. Ah. A. But assuming you type in the correct address, you merely press Enter, and there you are! Q. Where? A. Sitting in front of your computer waiting for something to happen. It could take weeks. Entire new continents can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet does not operate at the speed of light; it operates at the speed of the Department of Motor Vehicles. It might be quicker for you to just go over to Australia and look at the boats in person. Q. Does that mean that the World Wide Web is useless? A. Heck no! If you're willing to be patient, you'll find that you can utilize the vast resources of the Web to waste time in ways that you never before dreamed possible. Q. For example? A. For example, recently I was messing around with a "Web browser," which is a kind of software that lets you search all of cyberspace - millions of documents for references to a specific word or group of words. You can find pretty much everything that anybody has ever written on the Internet about that topic; it's an incredibly powerful research tool. Q. That is truly beautiful. A. Yes. And it's just one teensy little piece, one infinitesimally tiny fraction, of the gigantic, pulsating, mutating, multiplying mass of stuff out there on the Internet. Sooner or later, everything is going to be on there somewhere. You should be on there, too. Don't be afraid! Be like the bold explorer Christopher Columbus, (E-mail address: ChrisCol@nina,pinta&santamaria.ahoy) setting out into uncharted waters, fearful of what you might encounter, but also mindful of the old inspirational maritime saying: "If you don't leave the land, then you'll probably never have a chance to get scurvy and develop anemia, spongy gums, and bleeding from the mucous membranes." So come on! Join me and millions of others on this exciting CyberFrontier,with its limitless possibilities for the enhancement of knowledge and the betterment of the human race! Originally from the JokeMaster Funnies Collective copyright 1998 JokeMaster ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com Start Your Own FREE Email List at http://www.listbot.com/