The Loony Bin
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loonies@bloodaxe.com
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Fri, 28 Aug 1998 18:02:28 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ------------------------ ListBot Sponsor Message ------------------------ Act Now! Last Chance to Win an Island Vacation! A world away from your deadline driven life lies an island of hidden treasures- Puerto Rico. Enter to win 6 days & 5 nights in paradise. http://DeliverE.preferences.com/cgi-bin/PuertoRico/start.cgi?bit=LE ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hiya People... Here Alan sends us some of his thoughts for the day... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ******************************************************* ******************************************************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.com *** *** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. - Donald Knuth A university professor set an examination question in which he asked 'What is the difference between ignorance and apathy'. The professor had to give an A+ to a student who answered; 'I don't know, and I don't care'. -Richard Pratt, Pacific Computer Weekly, 20 July 1990 Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature. Due to budgetary constraints, the light at the end of the tunnel is being turned off. "The C Programming Language - A language which combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language." Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labour. -John Ciardi Sobriety is fine in moderation. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Measure with a micrometer. Mark with a crayon. Cut with an axe. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, does anything happen? Reality is for people who can't handle drugs. Reader, suppose you were an idiot; and suppose you were a member of congress; but I repeat myself. - Mark Twain A billion here, a billion there and pretty soon you're talking about real money. - Everitt Dirkson Reality is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Sarcasm keeps you from telling people what you really think. It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature. I haven't lost my mind, I have it backed up on tape somewhere. Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. PROGRAM - n. A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages. v. tr.- To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward. The average term length of a member of congress is approaching 15 years, and the average term length of a convicted criminal is less than three. We've got that backward - Oliver North, 22 September 1993 Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. I am not arguing with you - I am telling you. - James Abbott McNeill Whistler God made all men, Sam Colt made all men equal. Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do! Intellectual - n. 1. someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking about the Lone Ranger. 2. someone who thinks that Lou Gehrig was "that guy who Steven Hawking's disease was named after". Beware of programmers with screwdrivers. If PRO is the opposite of CON, what's the opposite of progress? When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws. Don't look back. The lemmings are gaining on you. Health is simply the slowest possible rate at which you can die. How come wrong numbers are never busy? Windows, another fine product from the folks who gave us edlin. "Nature" is made possible by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. - PBS "The Creation of the Universe" was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments." - PBS To experience the thrill of sailing, one only needs to go in the shower fully clothed, turn the cold water on, and start tearing $20 bills. If you make one or two ridiculous assumptions, you'll find everything I say or do totally justified. - Ashleigh Brilliant. Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms, and they'll call you crazy. - "Messiah's Handbook:Reminders for the Advanced Soul" It has been said that the prospect of capital punishment does not deter a criminal from committing a crime. But it certainly *does* prevent him from doing it again. Carpe Pecuniam! (Seize the money!) Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. - Rich Cook C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg. - Bjarne Stroustrup I've never met a human being who would want to read 17,000 pages of documentation, and if there was, I'd kill him to get him out of the gene pool. - Joseph Costello, President of Cadence Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.151592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change. -- FORTRAN manual for Xerox computers The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make the rest of us wonder at the possibility that we might be missing something. - Gamel Abdel Nasser Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. It is practically impossible to teach good programming style to students that [sic] have had prior exposure to BASIC; as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration. - Dijkstra Life is the whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. Diplomacy is saying "Nice Doggy!" until you can find a rock. Of course they beat up people. The whole point of government is that it does things that you're not allowed to do, like beat people, kill people, steal their property, kidnap and imprison them, etc. If they couldn't do things you couldn't do, why would you need them?" - Phil Ngai "All I know is that I am not a Marxist" - Karl Marx; Attr. in Engels, letter to C. Schmidt, 5 Aug 1890 God created sex. Priests created marriage. - Voltaire The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying b_st_rds. --Alexander Jablokov "The Place of No Shadows" Faith: not *wanting* to know what is true. - Friedrich Nietzsche Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter S. Thompson Hey Santa! How much for your list of naughty girls? I don't use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough. - M.C.Escher The scariest part of living in the South is that we have people who think that NASA is faked and that professional wrestling is real! Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program. - Milton Friedman If God dropped acid, would He see people? If at first you don't succeed, give up. No sense in being a damned fool. It is the hour to be drunken! To escape being the martyred slaves of time, be ceaselessly drunk. On wine, on poetry, or on virtue, as you wish. - Charles Baudelaire In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. Whoa mama, stay up! - Bill Clinton, to his golf ball, 1993. I went on to test the program in every way I could devise. I strained it to expose its weaknesses. I ran it for high-mass stars and low-mass stars, for stars born exceedingly hot and those born relatively cold. I ran it assuming the superfluid currents beneath the crust to be absent - not because I wanted to know the answer, but because I had developed an intuitive feel for the answer in this particular case. Finally I got a run in which the computer showed the pulsar's temperature to be less than absolute zero. I had found an error. I chased down the error and fixed it. Now I had improved the program to the point where it would not run at all. - George Greenstein, "Frozen Star: Of Pulsars, Black Holes and the Fate of Stars" This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go. A mathematician is a machine for turning coffee into theorems. - Paul Erdos ----------------------------------------------------------------- This message was sent via ListBot. 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