A New Office Dictionary

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
16 Apr 1998 23:20:05 -0000


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Hiya Folks...

If you work in an office, then this dictionary is for you...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
	xx

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***                                                 ***
***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***           loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk          ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

TECHNO OFFICE DICTIONARY


Blamestorming 

Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed
or a project failed and who was responsible.


Beepilepsy 

The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go
off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical
spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-
sentence.


Body Nazis

Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on
anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.


Cube farm 

An office filled with cubicles.


Ego surfing 

Scanning the Net, databases, print media, and so on, looking for
references to one's own name.


Prairie dogging 

Something loud happens in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up
over the walls to see what's going on. (Note:  This phenomenon
is also called "Office Whack-a-Mole")


Perot

To quit unexpectedly, as in "My cellular phone just perot'ed."


Idea hamsters 

People who always seem to have their idea generators running.


Mouse potato

The on-line generation's answer to the couch potato.


CLM (Career-Limiting Move) 

Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity.
Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a
serious CLM.


Ohnosecond

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize you've just
made a big mistake.


SITCOM

Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.


Stress puppy

A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny .


Tourists

Those who take training classes just to take a vacation from
their jobs.  "We had three serious students in the class; the
rest were tourists."


Swiped Out

An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the
magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.


Treeware

Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.


Uninstalled

Euphemism for being fired.


Xerox Subsidy

Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.


Dilberted

To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the
experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.
"I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for
the fourth time this week."


World Wide Wait

The real meaning of WWW.


CGI Joe

A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and
charisma of a plastic action figure.


Dorito Syndrome

Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive
substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six
hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito
Syndrome."


Under Mouse Arrest

Getting busted for violating an on-line service's rule of
conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under
mouse arrest."


Glazing

Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular
pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he
notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?"


Starter Marriage

A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids,
no property and no regrets.


Dead Tree Edition

The paper version of a publication available in both paper and
electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San
Francisco Chronicle..."


Graybar Land

The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's
processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar
creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed
like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."


Open-Collar Workers

People who work at home or telecommute.


Squirt The Bird

To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are
ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"


Brain Fart

A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information
effortlessly. A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy
on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the
Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that had more
negative connotations.


Cobweb Site

A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time.
A dead web page.


It's a Feature

>From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used
sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish
to gloss over.


Keyboard Plaque

The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer
keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one
has a bad case of keyboard plaque."


Alpha Geek

The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an
office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the Alpha Geek around
here."


Adminisphere

The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rack
and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve.


Gray Matter

Older, experienced business people hired by young
entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and
established.


Salmon Day

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only
to get screwed in the end.


Chainsaw consultant

An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount,
leaving the top brass with clean hands


404

Someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message,
"404 Not Found", meaning the requested document couldn't be
located. "Don't bother asking him, he's 404".


Elvis year

The peak year of something's popularity.  "Barney the dinosaur's
Elvis year was 1993".

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