The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 26 Aug 1997 23:46:35 +0100
Hiya Loonies... Here is a list of just some of the ways in which dogs are better than men... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*** ***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>*** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- * How dogs are better than men * * Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. * Dogs miss you when you're gone. * You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you. * Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong. * Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with. * Dogs don't criticize your friends. * Dogs admit when they're jealous. * Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. * Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw). * Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together. * Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence. * No dog ever voted to confirm Clarence Thomas. * You can train a dog. * Dogs are easy to buy for. * Dogs are good with kids. * Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies. * You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams. * Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous. * The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.) * Dogs understand what no means. * Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization. * Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species. * Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside. * Dogs do not read at the table. * Dogs think you are a culinary genius. * You can house train a dog. * You can force a dog to take a bath. * Dogs don't correct your stories. * Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner. * Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair. * Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair. * Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving. * Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake. * Dogs admit it when they're lost. * Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff. * Dogs look at your eyes. * Dogs like your size. * Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs. * Dogs take care of their own needs. * Dogs are color blind. * Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do. * Dogs mean it when they kiss you. * Dogs are nice to your relatives. * Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them. * Dogs don't care how you dress. * How Dogs and Men Are the Same * * Both take up too much space on the bed. * Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. * Both are threatened by their own kind. * Both like to chew wood. * Both mark their territory. * Both are bad at asking you questions. * Neither tells you what's bothering them. * Both tend to smell riper with age. * The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. * Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches. * Neither does any dishes. * Both fart shamelessly. * Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut. * Both like dominance games. * Both are suspicious of the postman. * Neither knows how to talk on the telephone. * Neither understands what you see in cats. * Where Dogs Fall Down * * Men only have two feet that track in mud. * Men can buy you presents. * Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block. * Men are a little bit more subtle. * Men don't eat turds on the sly. * Men open their own cans. * Dogs have dog breath all the time. * Men can do math stuff. * Men are strong and like to lift things to prove it. * Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it. * It's fun to dry off a wet man. * Men can fix the car. * Holiday Inns accept men.