Dogs & Men...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Tue, 26 Aug 1997 23:46:35 +0100


Hiya Loonies...

Here is a list of just some of the ways in which dogs are better than
men...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

* How dogs are better than men *

   * Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
   * Dogs miss you when you're gone.
   * You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
   * Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
   * Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
   * Dogs don't criticize your friends.
   * Dogs admit when they're jealous.
   * Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
   * Dogs do not play games with you - except fetch (and they never 
     laugh at how you throw).
   * Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know
     the most important thing is that you're together.
   * Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
   * No dog ever voted to confirm Clarence Thomas.
   * You can train a dog.
   * Dogs are easy to buy for.
   * Dogs are good with kids.
   * Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
   * You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
   * Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
   * The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
     (OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, 
     but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that 
     gives it to you.)
   * Dogs understand what no means.
   * Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
   * Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
   * Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
   * Dogs do not read at the table.
   * Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
   * You can house train a dog.
   * You can force a dog to take a bath.
   * Dogs don't correct your stories.
   * Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger
     owner.
   * Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
   * Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
   * Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
   * Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
   * Dogs admit it when they're lost.
   * Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
   * Dogs look at your eyes.
   * Dogs like your size.
   * Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
   * Dogs take care of their own needs.
   * Dogs are color blind.
   * Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
   * Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
   * Dogs are nice to your relatives.
   * Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.
   * Dogs don't care how you dress.

* How Dogs and Men Are the Same *

   * Both take up too much space on the bed.
   * Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
   * Both are threatened by their own kind.
   * Both like to chew wood.
   * Both mark their territory.
   * Both are bad at asking you questions.
   * Neither tells you what's bothering them.
   * Both tend to smell riper with age.
   * The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
   * Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
   * Neither does any dishes.
   * Both fart shamelessly.
   * Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
   * Both like dominance games.
   * Both are suspicious of the postman.
   * Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
   * Neither understands what you see in cats.

* Where Dogs Fall Down *

   * Men only have two feet that track in mud.
   * Men can buy you presents.
   * Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them
     around the block.
   * Men are a little bit more subtle.
   * Men don't eat turds on the sly.
   * Men open their own cans.
   * Dogs have dog breath all the time.
   * Men can do math stuff.
   * Men are strong and like to lift things to prove it.
   * Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
   * It's fun to dry off a wet man.
   * Men can fix the car.
   * Holiday Inns accept men.