The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 5 Mar 1997 18:12:06 +0000
Hiya Loonies...
Here's something for the Trekkers...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
The Top Ten Secrets of the Enterprise
10. All routine maintenance is done by Oompa-Loompas.
9. Pulaski was sealed in an unused Jeffries Tube by Data when she
insulted him too many times.
8. Riker's parents were Nazis. His initial "T" is for "Third" (Get
it?)
7. Troi starts all counselling sessions with males asking "So is
that a phaser rifle in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?
6. Before joining Starfleet, Picard was a Chippendale's dancer.
5. "Worf" is Klingon for "pinhead".
4. Riker amuses himself by signing all reports "F. Off." (For first
officer, twit)
3. Geordi is taking a shuttle apart and mailing it home piece by
piece.
2. Picard is Wesley's father.
1. Due to a time-travel accident, Wesley is Picard's father.
The Top Ten Things You're Not About To Hear on The Enterprise
10. "No, please, Data, go on. I find your list of synonyms for
'extinct' facinating..."
9. "Good work, Counsellor. If you hadn't told us those aliens had
hostile intent, we would have been completely fooled by their plan."
8. "Jean-Luc, since the ship is in no danger at all and we're not
about to die, I want to tell you..."
7. "The...doohickey...has gone all...funny, making that gizmo light
up...the one that means the warp engines are...ya know...all messed
up."
6. "Captain's Log, Stardate...damn. What's the date? Number One,
what's today? No, I know it's Tuesday, what's the date? The
STARdate!"
5. "Tea, Lemon Zinger, iced."
4. "Klingons do NOT wear frilly underwear...at least not on duty."
3. "Prime Directive? We don't need no steenkin' Prime Directive!"
2. "The aliens are locking their weapons on us...firing...a miss.
Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can laugh in their faces?"
And the number one thing not likely to be heard on the Enterprise:
1. "Ah, hell, I'm bored. Screw the hailing frequencies, fire at
will."