Anime...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Sun, 2 Feb 1997 00:53:30 +0000


Hiya Folks...

Anime (also sometimes called Manga after one of the major producers) is
one of the crazes to come out of Japan. Here are some of the laws of the
Anime universe...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


                   * * * Laws of Japanese Animation * * * 
                    = = ============================ = =
                                Version 4.2
                            Compiled and edited by 
                Ryan Shellito (rshellit@oboe.aix.calpoly.edu)
                Darrin Bright  (dbright@oboe.aix.calpoly.edu)
                
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity

   The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation
  
   Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is 
    rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Accoustics

   In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there 
    is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion

   In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion

   The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves.  Armored 
    Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.  

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability

   Time is not a constant.  Time stops for the hero whenever he does 
    something 'cool' or 'impressive'.  Time slows down when friends and 
    lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality

   'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so 
     quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out 
     affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of 
     society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side 
     down.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality

   It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical
    damage.  Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't 
    even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead.  
    This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality 
    Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis

   Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either 
    still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually 
    red or white).

#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity

   Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 
    'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different 
     angles.

#11 - Law of Inherent Combustability

   Everything explodes.  Everything.

      First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
      
      Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances
         known to human science.  Tokyo in particular seems to be the 
          most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The 
          Matchstick City".

#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission

   Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13 - Law of Energetic Emission

   There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy
    'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire.  Because of the
    explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related 
    to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude

   The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly porportional to
    its size.
   
#15 - Law of Inexhaustability

   No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition.  That is of course unless they
    are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy

   The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm 
    increases as the difficulty of the shot increases.  The accuracy of 
    the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the 
    difficulty of the shot decreases.  (Also known as the Stormtrooper 
    Effect)  Example:  A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held 
    upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several 
    battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in 
    the middle of an open field will always miss.  

       First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely 
            they will hit anyone or do any real damage.

       Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with 
            insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, 
             allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst 
             of automatic fire and then escape.

       Third Corrallary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy 
            fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh 
             wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good 
             Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, 
             firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy 
             machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability

   Minmei is a bimbo.  (* Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio 
    disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff need to get out 
    more. *)

#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity

   The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, 
    under high pressure.

#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency

   Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes,
    loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not
    unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.  

#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability

   Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full 
    of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and 
    defeated with a single insignifigant example of a caring/loving 
    emotion or a song.
 
#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability

   Tactical geniuses aren't....

#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability

   People never notice the little things.... Like missing body parts,
    or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality

   Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as 
    annoying.

#24 - Law of Antagonistic Americanthropomorphism

   The really nasty 'Bad Guys' are always skinny Americans.

#25 - Law of Americanthropomorphistic Intellectual Inferiority  

   The stupid 'Good Guys' are always big Americans.

      First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big
         dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes 
          referred to as the Green Line Effect)

      Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the
         American translators are the American editors and censors.
 
#26 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality
         (from a_hicks@lvc.edu and utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu)
   
   The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume 
    at which they are speaking.

#27 - Law of Feline Mutation
         (from a_hicks@lvc.edu)

   Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
      1) be female
      2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
      3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any

#28 - Law of Conservation of Firepower
         (from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu)
   
   Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a 
    single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last 
    resort.

#29 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence
         (from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu)
 
   The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is 
    inversely proportional to its complexity.

#30 - Law of Melee Luminescence
         (from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu)

   Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess 
    and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura.  
    This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'.  
    This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic 
    spectrum than Evil.

#31 - Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
         (from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu)

   All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent 
    on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#32 - Law of Follicular Chroma Varability     
         (from spellweaver@mail.utexas.edu)

   Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color.
    This color can change without warning or explanation.

#33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics

   *ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is 
     automatically aerodynamic.

#34 - Law of Probable Attire          

   Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.

   Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless
    of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate.  Any   
    female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her
    clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow.

   Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear 
    a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out 
    dramatically behind him.  

   First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) -

      All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, 
       and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.