The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 13 Jan 1997 20:10:11 +0000
Hiya Folks...
Here's more on the Antichrist...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>***
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
GATES -- A PROPHET?
"Now is the Windows of our disk content." --Richard v3.0
----
And LO! The Lord of the OS did come down among His sheep and sayeth,
Thou Shalt Pay Bill Gates, and he will delivereth unto you my product.
----
I am Win95, your GUI. Thou shalt not have false GUIs on machines
before me.
----
And the Lord said, "16 bit applications are evil! I am sorry I ever
created them. I shall destroy them all and start over. Thou shalt
all buy new computers."
And the prophet Intel came forward and said, "But Lord, what about
backwards compatibility? What about the tribes of 8086 and 80286 and
80386?"
And Lo! the Lord became angry and said, "Compatibility is irrelevant.
They will be assimilated."
----
And the consumers gathered around Bill Gates and the tower of
Microsoft, and they asked, "Prophet, how much must we spend on
salvation? Seven times our investment?
And Bill Gates turned to the crowd and he said unto them, "Nay,
consumers, you must not spend seven times your investment, but rather
seventy times seven times your investment. Only then shall you be
saved."
And the consumers did as they were told. But the product did not
work, and they grew angry, and they cried out to the Lord, "Lord, we
have done as you asked, but the product does not work! Our machines,
they run slow! Our applications, they do not run."
And the Lord said unto them, "I tell you this, it is easier for Alice
Cooper to enter the gates of heaven than for a Pentium to run
Windows95."
And as the masses came forward, I saw inscribed upon their heads W95,
the Number of the Bill.
And the Prophet Bill, for that is who it must have been, he raised his
right hand, and broke the first seal, saying, "Behold, the seal of
Microsoft. By the breaking of this seal you are bound unto whatever
the contract within may say."
And as the seal was broken, all the great empires around the world
were set upon with famine and floods and swarms of bugs like never
seen before and great anguish befell them all.
And lo, the Prophet Bill held up the scroll and said, "Behold, the
second seal! I shall not break it today, but rather I shalt break it
soon, like, perhaps next week, or maybe the week thereafter. Thou
shalt wait expectantly for its breaking, and thou shalt not produce
any other work until that time shall come."