The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 1 Jan 1997 20:16:16 +0000
Hiya All...
Here's some more computer silliness for you...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>***
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
OLD COMPUTERS
Two of my housemates recently picked up an old 8088 for free. The
first, Joe, was overjoyed because, well, it was free and free stuff is
good, and it's a computer and computers are good. Chris wasn't so sure.
J: Once we get a new video card and a new hard drive in this, it'll run
like new.
C: So? It's an 8088. What the hell can you do with an 8088?
J: Come on. Think of all the stuff they did with computers built thirty
years ago.
C: Okay, you can get to the moon. What else?
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
ERROR-CONDITIONED
The day before our office's new computer was to arrive, we got a call:
the machine wouldn't be ready until the following week. Delays
continued. Finally, more than a month later a computer arrived -- the
wrong model Office management, however, decided to accept it.
Weeks later, a package came with a letter from the computer dealer,
apologizing for the inconvenience. To show that they valued our
business, they asked us to accept the enclosed VCR. It was a CD player.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
VIRGIN COMPUTER
How can you tell if your PC is still a virgin?
The HIGHMEM is still intact.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
IF COMPUTERS HAD PERSONALITIES...
(User-Friendly)
C:\> DUR
Command not found. Try retyping
(User-Helpful)
C:\> DUR
I don't understand DUR. Do you mean DIR?
(User-Patronizing)
C:\> DUR
Now, that's not quite right is it? Let's try again; this time, use
the manual that the nice salesperson gave you when you bought me.
(User-Obsequious)
C:\> DUR
I'm so very, very sorry but I don't understand that. I'm sure it
was my fault, but if you would please try again I'll do my best.
(User-Analytical)
C:\> DUR
What makes you say that?
C:\> A TYPING MISTAKE
How long have you been making these mistakes?
C:\> OH, BANANAS
Do you like bananas?
C:\> I LOVE THEM
Why do you bring up the subject of love?
(User-McDonald's)
May I help you please?
C:\> DUR
I'm sorry but that command is not available at this time.
Have a nice day.
C:\> DIR
Will that be an MS-DOS directory?
C:\> YES
To read here, or for printout to take away?
C:\> HERE
Thank you. Have a nice day.
(User-Megalomaniac)
C:\> DUR
Don't bother me with trivial requests -- I'm busy.
(User-Hostile)
C:\> DUR
Ha! A mistake! I'm sure you meant to say FORMAT, so that's what I'll
do.
(User-Sarcastic)
C:\> DUR
Well, Look who's made a mistake then. Very unusual, I don't think.
(User-Insulting)
C:\> DUR
You Idiot
C:\> DIR
You Idiot
(User-Smug)
C:\> DUR
No
C:\> DOR
Nope
C:\> HELP
No
C:\> PLEASE
Not unless you give me a 300Mb hard disk to live on.
C:\> JERK
Abuse will get you nowhere