The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 24 Dec 1996 06:09:22 +0000
Hiya Folks... Here's a Christmas X-Files for you... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*** ***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>*** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- 57 ELM STREET BETHLEHEM, PA 11.51PM, DECEMBER 24 Mulder: We're here too late! It's been here Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated mounting, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney with care. Scully: You really think someone's been here? Mulder: Someone - or someTHING. Scully: Mulder, over here - it's a fruitcake. Mulder: Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal. Scully: It's OK. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's naughty and nice." Mulder: It's judging them, Scully, it's making a list. Scully: What are you talking about? Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite. Scully: But that's a legend Mulder - a story told by parents to frighten children. Surely you don't believe it? Mulder: Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread man.... It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse... Scully: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry. Mulder: Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace. Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature landed on the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing could get down. Mulder: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at once? Scully: You mean like a bowl full of jelly? Mulder: Exactly, Scully. I've never told anyone this, but what I was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white shanks of fur surrounding its ruddy, mis-shapen head. It's bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the shape of my father. Scully: Impossible. Mulder: I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr Potato Head, Scully. It knew that I wanted a Mr Potato Head! Scully: I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of physics.... >From a ruthless X-Files parody in the New Yorker attributed to "Frank Cammuso and Hart Seely".