Corporate Policies...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Sun, 15 Dec 1996 18:20:38 +0000


Hiya People...

Here are some corporate policies that you might need to know...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes
the other 90% of the time.

If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard
(and talk corperate bollocks).

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
talking about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a
damned fool about it.

Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there
would be so many.

Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really
good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your
desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

People don't make the same mistake twice -- they make it three
times, four times, or five times.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least
like.

No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

Following the rules will not get the job done.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by
reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

Ask yourselves, "How would Clint Eastwood handle this?" It never helps
get the job done any faster, but it's very comforting to think about all
those corpses

The longer the title, the less important the job.

"Around here, progress is made on alternate Tuesdays."

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

All vacations and holidays create problems -- except for one's own.

Success is a matter of luck -- just ask any failure.